Back like Cooked Crack

Young Sweezy has returned from his Award Tour (c. Tribe) through the midwest and is now ready to deliver many shipments of delicious brew to the millions of faithful readers out there. Along the way The Swole One saw famous sports landmarks such as Indianapolis (home of fantasy villain Marwan), Louisville (home of Muhammed Ali and the decomposing remains of 8 Belles who is still chilling in the first turn at Churchill Downs), and Nashville (where Sweezy stopped at one of Pac Man Jones' old strip club hangouts). Now I'm back in Dixie, ready to catch sports fans up on the news that needs to be told.

NBA - Last night the Lakers clinched a finals berth by defeating defending champs San Antonio. Kobe Bryant was incredible down the stretch, and Pau Gasol is finally receiving the attention he deserves for being such a good player for so long. The Lakers should be the favorites in the finals regardless of who they play because they will have the best player in the finals and the deepest team in the finals. Two things kept crossing my mind as I watched the celebration. One was how damn good are the Lakers going the be next year when Bynum comes back healthy. The second was how much i'm going to miss TNT Inside the NBA over the next 5 months, it simply is the best sports show on TV.

Tonight we get Game 6 of the Celtics-Pistons series. Because of my travels i've only seen about 30 seconds of this series so I don't really know how its unfolding, but I do know what Rip Hamilton means to the Pistons and if he isnt healthy than the Pistons have no shot. Between him and Billups still suffering from a calf injury, the Pistons greatest advantage over the Celtics has been negated. Rajon Rondo can't get abused in the post by the stronger Chauncey and Ray Allen can completely focus on offense now that he doesn't have to chase Rip City around on offense. With that said, I don't see the Pistons losing tonights game. Their bench guys are going to play with a ton of energy and Boston has not exactly been stellar on the road during the playoffs. Game 7 may be another story, but at least for one more night Detroit Basketball will get the job done.

NHL - I was finally able to catch some NHL action, now that games are being televised on channels that America can actually see. What i witnessed was Pittsburgh getting a huge Game 3 win and making this into a series. Sidney Crosby did what superstars are supposed to and led the Penguins to a big win and finally overcome the brutal Wings defense. Now Game 4 becomes the tipping point in the series. If the Wings win its over in 5, but if the Penguins can get this one then the series turns serious. I'm hoping for the second option, because i feel cheated out of watching all of these playoffs and want to at least see a few hockey games before the sport dissapears into 'Bolivian until next June once again.

MLB - There are still a lot of suprising teams leading the standings in baseball such as the Marlins, Rays and White Sox but now these teams and the other suprising teams throughout the AL and NL must avoid the dreaded June Swoon. There are three really good matchups this weekend in baseball, even though ESPN will probably ignore them completely. First up is Florida heading to Philadelphia. Florida has done it with offense all year and is staying remarkably competitive in the toughest division in baseball. Philly's offense has exploded recently thanks to Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino returning from injury and Ryan Howard finally starting to hit for power. This will be a good test to see where both teams stack up and to see who has the better chance of staying in the division battle for the long haul. The second series to pay attention to is the LA Dodgers versus the NY Mets. For some reason Joe Torre returning to New York seems to be worthy of our attention, even though he hasn't had any sort of connection with the Mets since he played for them 40 years ago. If we leave that bullshit aside there are many better reasons to focus on. Both teams are playing below their expectations, and this Met homestand may be a make-or-break one for manager Willie Randolph. The Dodgers are also strugg-a-ling, but send rookie phenom Clayton Kershaw to the mound tonight. The third series to pay attention to this weekend is the White Sox visiting the Tampa Rays. Tampa has been the surprise of the season, and boasts the best young quartet of starting pitchers in the majors. And despite subpar seasons from most of their big hitters, Chicago is on a roll and has moved to the top of the AL Central thanks to an unhittable bullpen and unexpectedly reliable starting pitching. Look for a low scoring series and close games all weekend in Tampa.

World Soccer - With only one week remaining before Euro 2008 gets underway, the 16 squads in the field are finalizing their rosters and playing tune-up games to prepare for the start of the tournament. Among the games played today include teams like the dangerous Czech Republic, World Cup 2006 winners Italy, and co-hosts Austria and Switzerland. Tomorrow's slate has games featuring tournaments favorites France-vs-Paraguay, Spain-vs-Peru and Germany-vs-Serbia. Sunday has games featuring The Netherlands and Greece among others. All of these tune-ups are critically important since national teams rarely play together and must have game time to find the chemistry between players.

(By the way, if you search Bafe Gomis in Youtube, you can see the sick goal that this young superstar pulled off in the image at right against Ecuador last week. He will be one of the young superstars of Euro 2008.)

Whats on Tap - Next week brings the full preview of Euro 2008 including predictions from Young Sweezy and Young Knuckleballer. The French Open will be analyzed and predicted by the same 2 brewlords and we will select our Tennis Betty of the tournament. There will also be extensive coverage of both Major League Baseball and College Baseball as the NCAA Tournament swings into high gear. Finally the NBA and NHL finals will be analyzed and predicted along with any other news that needs to be covered and which isnt mentioned by the East Coast-Centric sports media.

MLB Power Poll

I realize it's still early, but I have a bone to pick with the MLB. The voting for the All-star game is just bogus. Currently, the AL Starting Roster would be comprised of 6 Yankees and Red Sox. Does Kevin Youkilis deserve to be the starting 1st Basemen? Should Jason Varitek be the starting Catcher? Fuck no. Justin Morneau and Victor Martinez are much more deserving. Will justice be served as time goes on? Probably not. Rarely do the best players get elected to start the All-star game. Typically it's name players from teams with the biggest fan bases. Baseball needs to step in and change this in the near future. Sure the fans should have a say, but they shouldn't be the only voices. On to the poll.

1.) Tampa Bay Rays (32-21)- I'd be lying if I said that the Rays would hold down the number 1 spot at any point when I started making this poll. Hell, I didn't even think they'd be in the top 10, but here they are. The Rays have the best record in baseball for the first time in franchise history. In fact, they've finished last in the AL East every year of their existance except for 2004 when they snagged 4th place. Since their first season in 1998 they've compiled a .405 winning percentage (worst in baseball even with the great start to 2008). The reason for the turnaround? Great all-around play. They rank in the top 6 in every major hitting and pitching category.

2.) Chicago Cubs (31-21)- The best record in the NL belongs to the Cubs. The Senior Curcuit has looked geriatric against the Cubbies juggernaut of an offense this year. They're first in the league in Runs, Average, OPS, and OBP. They have six everyday starters batting at least .300. They also have some of the best hitting pitchers in baseball led by Carlos Zambrano. He's 15 for 35 at the plate this year. Let's not get it twisted either, Big Z is a menace on the mound too. He's 7-1 this season and hasn't lost a start since the beginning of April. Former ace Kerry Wood is also tied for third in the league in saves.

3.) Boston Red Sox (32-23)- The Sawx have struggled lately against mediocre competition. They got swept by the A's and lost this week to the weak ass M's. Their offense is fine (still ranked top 3 in all major offensive categories), but their pitching has slipped a bit lately. Jon Lester followed up his no-hitter over the Royals with a poor performance in a loss to Oakland. They also just lost Dice-K yesterday to a shoulder injury. He's getting an MRI and we'll know by tommorow if he'll make his next start or not. The Red Sox sure hope he'll be back quickly, but I bet the rest of the league won't be too sad if he's out for a bit considering his 8-0 record. To get back on track they'll need to step it up against their own division over the next 7 games after they fly out of Seattle.

4.) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (32-22)- The Angels are cruising under the radar like usual, but don't sleep on them. They're seperating themselves from Oakland (2 game lead) and this division could easily be settled by early August. In their last 10 games, they're 7-3 which is a pretty average line for the Angels. It's all about their elite pitching. Joe Saunders is tied for the league lead in wins, while Ervin Santana just pitched a CG against the Tigers and is 6 K's short of the league lead. Really they can just go into cruise mode for awhile and still be alright.

5.) Arizona Diamondbacks (30-22)- How far have the D-backs fallen? Well they were the top team in this poll for the first 7 weeks before dipping to number 2 last week. Why you ask? They're just 3-7 in their last 10. Brandon Webb started off the year 9-0, but has since dropped his last 2. Their pitching in general has been weak sauce over the last couple of weeks. Unbelievably, they still lead the league in every pitching category except for saves. Offensively though, they struggled mightily, and having Eric Byrnes on the DL isn't going to help. Luckily, the rest of their division is horrendous. 2 of the worst teams in the league (Rockies and Padres) are wallowing in the basement of the NL Worst...er West.

6.) Philadelphia Phillies (30-24)- Nobody has been hotter than the Phillies over the past 3 games. They've scored 42 runs which is about as much as the Padres have scored this month. A healthy Jimmy Rollins has been the difference for this club. Chase Utley has been ballin' for awhile now, but last year's MVP gives them a great 1-2 punch. If they can only get Ryan Howard back to 2006 form, they will be unstoppable. They're currently just behind the Marlins, but expect that to change in the coming weeks. Their upcoming series against Florida will be a tell-tale sign of which direction the divison will head. Speaking of...

7.) Florida Marlins (30-21)- The Marlins have a razor-thin lead in the NL East, but don't expect that to last the way the Phillies are playing. Florida looked pretty weak against New york yesterday, but Johan Santana can make most clubs look silly. It'll be important for them to bounce back if they want to stay competitive in the division down the road. They've been getting by with so-so performances from their pitchers, but somehow come away with wins. Case-in-point, Mark Hendrickson, who has a 7-2 record to go along with his 4.14 era.

8.) Chicago White Sox (29-23)- The White Sox to everyone's surprise are still on top in the AL Central. They continue to get by winning series that noone expects them to. They've only lost 3 times in the last two weeks including a sweep of Cleveland last week and 2 of 3 from them this week. Who would have thought that the Rays/White Sox series this week would be between division leaders. It should be an entertaining 4 games to say the least. After that they've got a 7 game homestand against division rivals Minnesota and KC. This can only mean good things for the North Siders as they look to lengthen their AL Central lead.

9.) Houston Astros (30-23)- The Stros have been staying consistent thanks to their stellar lineup. Lance Berkman (still leading the team in every offensive category) and Company have been picking up the slack for the sub-par pitching (worst cumulatively in the NL). On top of that, Berkman is in the top 2 in RBI, HR, and Average in the NL. A triple crown is still not out of the question for the Big Kahuna. The division is tight though, and unless pitchers not named Roy Oswalt step up, they aren't going to be able to hold up for the long haul. If they are still in the race in July, I wouldn't be surprised to see this team trade for a pitcher. Luckily, Houston gets Wandy Rodriguez (king at home, douche on the road) back from the DL today, so that can't hurt. Unfortunately, he's going against a rock solid offense from the City of the Arch.

10.) St. Louis Cardinals (30-23)- The Cards could be labeled as 9b. They are pretty much the Astros equal right now, although their offense isn't quite as potent. They do however have much more consistent pitching. They're in the top 5 of every pitching category in the National league. All of their regular starters have winning records, except for a ho-bag named Joel Pineiro (although he's on the DL now, so nobody cares). It's only a matter of time before Mark Mulder will be back in the Red Bird uni. The Lou hopes he can boost their playoff chances. It's not like the Cards offense is slouching. They're third in average and 2nd in OBP in the Senior Circuit. Albert Pujols really can't be denied right now. He's third in the NL in Avg. and OPS. He's also a thug. Don't mess with Phat Albert.

Also Receiving Votes: Atlanta Braves, Oakland Athletics

Boom or Bust

The baseball season is more than a quarter done, which officially means "It's early" is no longer an excuse or explanation for the stellar (or less than) play of some surprising individuals around the League. I wanted to take some time to identify some of the biggest surprises and disappointments of the season, with a little GDB-flava thrown in for good measure.

The Good:

Ryan Ludwick, OF, St. Louis
.333, 13 HR, 38 RBI, 31 R
Ludwick was a highly touted prospect...about ten years ago. A string of serious and bizzare injuries kept him out of the majors, but not anymore. Big Stick Ludwick is teaming with Albert Pujols to form one of the more potent 3-4 combo's in the NL, and his play is demanding an everyday spot in a lineup crowded with talented outfielders on the surprising Redbirds club.

Dan Uggla, 2B, Florida
.317, 16 HR, 38 RBI, 40 R
Uggla has been pretty decent during his couple of years in the show, but not like this. If the MVP voting took place today, I have to think this guy would get a couple votes. As is, he's playing well enough to make people forget about his fellow Florida middle infielder, a guy named Hanley Ramirez. The guy has 16 homers, a truly Utley-esque power display from an otherwise power-starved position.


Nate McLouth/Xavier Nady, OF's, Pittsburgh
Combined: .320, 20 HR, 78 RBI, 71 R
Like Mr. Uggla, the amazing numbers these guys have put up so far are making people forget about their more heralded teammate and fellow outfielder, Jason Bay. The Pirates pitching still stinks worse than Nick Bragin's butthole, but these guys are padding their stats and playing for fat paydays in the future, probably hoping to get as far away from the Pitts-burgh as possible.

Honorable Mention: Josh Hamilton, OF, Texas (omitted due to status as #1 overall draft-pick and impressive '07 rookie campaign. Geovanny Soto, C, Chicago (Cubs).

The Bad

Barry Zito, SP(&RP), San Franciso
1-8, 5.65 ERA, 27K, 28BB
I think everyone saw the writing on the wall when SanFran offered up big money to this dude. He became one of the most expensive relievers in history when the Giants demoted him to the bullpen, then plugged him back into the rotation without making an appearance in relief. The once-prized Zito is radioactive in fantasy leagues, and his recent win should hardly be considered the sign of a turnaround in the future.


Jim Edmonds, OF, Chicago (Cubs)
.173, 1 HR, 6 RBI, 6 R
Look at the stat line above. That is all that Jimmy Ballplayer has been able to put together in 110 at bats. The man who finished 5th in the 2004 MVP voting is a shell of his former self and was cut by the worst team in the league two months into the season. Unlike similarly disappointing Andruw Jones, he doesn't even still have good defense as a selling point. But as a Cardinals fan, I'm happy to see him in a Cub uniform.

Travis Hafner, DH, Cleveland
.217, 4HR, 22 RBI, 19 R
This guy used to post numbers like that in the course of one week. Unfortunately, Dodgers speedster Rafael Furcal has more home runs this season than Hafner...and Furcal has been on the DL since May 6th. I don't know what Pronk's malfunction is, but he is playing like a steamy sack of shit. His dead weight is part of the reason why the Indians have become a massive disappointment.


Honorable Mention: Jim Thome, DH, Chicago (White Sox)


The Ugly

Andruw Jones, OF, Los Angeles (Dodgers)
.165, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 18 R
Jones officially became a huge bust when he went on the DL for knee surgery last week. The same problems that developed in Atlanta followed him to L.A., and now mercifully they will not return for 4-6 weeks. As mentioned above, he has a lone redeeming quality of still playing plus defense. But at age 30, there is no upside left to a bad that has had its pop drained by a decade of grueling major league seasons.

Jason Isringhausen, RP, St. Louis
1-5, 8.00 ERA, 10 Saves, 6 Blown Saves
Izzy is strong as a bull, as evidenced when he pitched most of the 2006 season with his hip out of the socket before being shut down to make way for Adam Wainwright. But this time it wasn't a bad hip but a loss of confidence (and an altercation with a clubhouse flat-screen) that sent him on the DL, but once again the farm system has sent a more-capable-replacement up to replace him: Chris Perez, the AAA Memphis Redbirds closer, who has struck out 5 in 4.2 big-league innings.

Eric Gagne, RP, Milwaukee
1-2, 6.98 ERA, 10 Saves, 5 Blown Saves
I'll give a million dollars to anyone who DIDN'T see this one coming. But unlike a few other underachievers, Gagne has the excuse of not being on the 'roids anymore for his poor performance. The former supercloser sucked just as hard in Milwaukee as he did in Boston. Like Izzy, he has been shut down for the foreseeable future. And like the Cardinals, the Brewers are lucky to have other options (Salomon Torres, Guillermo Mota) available.

Honorable Mention: Eric Byrnes, OF, Arizona

MLB Power Poll

Sorry it took me extra time to get this up, but it's hard to post without a computer. My Mac f'ed up awhile back and I really only have computer access at work. Hopefully I'll have a new comp by next week. Since nobody cares, I'll plunder into this week's poll. A couple new teams join the ranks including a big newcomer jump. The biggest change though is that we have a new number one for the first time in the history of the poll.

1.) Boston Red Sox (31-19)- Say hello to the new big team on campus. The Red Sox have been absolutely en fuego over the last week. They haven't lost since my last post en route to a 7 game winning streak. Anyone trying to come in and win at Fenway? Fuggedaboutit! The Sawx have the best home record in the league (20-5) and are really starting to get into a groove. In fact, they haven't lost in Boston since May 1 against Toronto. Their offense leads the AL in every relevent category except SB (they're #2 in steals). Their pitching has been unstoppable led by Dice-K who is 8-0 and has dropped his ERA 2 points since last year (4.40 to 2.40). The Red Sox also get brownie points for Jon Lester's no-hitter on Monday. How can you not be happy for this guy after he beat cancer to get to this point. No one deserves it more.

2.) Arizona Diamondbacks (28-19)- The D-backs fall off the top spot after enduring a sweep at the hands of the Florida Marlins. This team is still very close to taking back the number 1 seed as they won 5 of 6 before the sweep. Still, Arizona's pitching has looked human lately after their one-two punch of Brandon Webb and Dan Haren both took L's this week. Webb fell short of becoming the first pitcher since World War II to win his first 10 games of the year, thus silencing analysts that thought he could win 25 games this year. I see him definitely notching 20, but 25 is a little extreme (only 2 other pitchers have done it in the history of the league). The Diamondbacks rotation is still in the top 4 in all of the relevent pitching categories in the NL.

3.) Chicago Cubs (28-19)- Don't look now, but the Cubbies are tied with the D-backs for the second best record in the NL. Credit Lou Piniella for keeping Chicago consistent this year. They're always close in every ballgame, even the ones they drop. They haven't lost a game by more than 2 runs since May 9. The entire offense has chipped in this year giving opposing pitchers no rest during any part of the line-up. After a rough start, Kerry Wood has settled into the closing role quite nicely. He hasn't blown a save since May 1, and since then he has 6 successful save conversions. Props to Geovonny Soto who finally gives the Cubs an offensive weapon at the catcher position. He currently leads the team in RBI and OPS.

4.) Chicago White Sox (26-20)- The Windy City goes back-to-back in this poll thanks to the scorching play of the White Sox. The South Siders are on an 8 game winning streak and currently have the biggest division lead of anyone in baseball (3.5 game lead). While the Indians and Tigers were supposed to dominate the AL Central, but it's the White Sox that have risen to the top while Cleveland and Detroit wallow in the bottom half of the division mired in losing records. In fact, the Indians just got swept by Chicago this week. Javier Vazquez has finally gotten some run support and is tied for the league lead in K's at 65. Say hello to Carlos Quentin. A forgotten addition in the off-season from Arizona is raking in Chicago. He leads the team in HR, RBI, Runs, and OPS.

5.) Florida Marlins (27-19)- Welcome back Marlins. It's good to see a team that most pundits thought would finish in the cellar of the NL East with the division lead this late into the season. The only reason the fish don't lead by more is because the other division contenders keep winning too. They just swept the D-backs for the first time in 5 years thanks to Andrew Miller who pitched 7 innings of shut out ball with 9 K's (he leads the team in Strikeouts). Watch out for Dan Uggla. He may have a funny name, but there's nothing funny about his game. He's always had pop (team leading 14 HR and 32 RBI), but his average used to lag way behind like a mini Richie Sexson. Howeverrrr, he pacing Florida right now with a .315 BA. Go Figure.

6.) Tampa Bay Rays (27-20)- Next up is another Sunshine State team with a miniscule payroll. Tampa stays afloat at the 6 slot, by playing just above .500 ball on the week (4-3). At 11-12 on the road, they actually have the best road record of any AL East team. Since coming off the DL, Scott Kazmir has been straight up filthy. In four starts this year, he's only given up 4 ER (and 3 of those were in his first game). Along with James Shields, Scotty will be a menace to AL society all year long if he can stay healthy.

7.) LA Angels (28-21)- It's tough to bump the Angels down this far, but the teams above them have just been a little better. The Halos have to be happy about getting John Lackey back. An already intimidating pitching staff is now downright nasty. The flame thrower gave up just one run in each of his two starts off the DL. It's tough to say who's better right now between Lackey and Kazmir. Either way, they're both extremely swole. Back to the Angels pitching where Francisco Rodriguez quietly leads baseball in saves at 19. Add that to 7 game winner Ervin Santana and 6 game winner Joe Saunders (not to mention a young and sweezy Jared Weaver) and this pitching staff is clearly among the cream of the crop in all of the MLB.

8.) St. Louis Cardinals (28-21)- This is another team that could probably be moved up in the poll, but this week the red birds are #8. St. Louis is just 5-5 in their last 10 and have looked mediocre lately against a relatively tame schedule (Pittsburgh, Tampa, and San Diego). Their pitching has really done them in especially the bullpen which saw Jason Isringhausen drop out of consideration for the closer role. On the positive side, Pujols continues to be just as dominant as ever. In the win over the Padres on Wednesday, he took out San Diego's Pitcher (Chris Young) and Catcher (Josh Bard) in the same inning. The moral of the story is, don't fuck with Phat Albert. Let's give some praise to an unsung hero on the Cardinals. Ryan Ludwick has been tearing the cover off the ball this year and has really filled the void for St. Louis in Right Field. He's currently the team leader in HR, RBI, and OPS.

9.) Atlanta Braves (26-21)- The Braves are on a 5 game win streak right now and are making a strong push to move right up the Power Poll. Everyone always knew they had the talent, but until recently, they hadn't played up to it. Sure, Chipper Jones has been doing nothing but bashing, but Mark Texeira had been a little sluggish. Well not anymore. Sexy Texy has been showing bitches who's boss lately with 12 hits in the last 6 games to raise his average from .247 to .279. He still ranks 6th among everyday players on the Braves roster in average though (they lead the NL in BA at .286). Guess what else Atlanta leads? ERA (3.42) in part due to the stellar play of Jair Jurrjens. The main chip in the Edgar Renteria trade from Detroit has been unhittable lately. He's given up just 1 ER in his last 2 starts (wins over the Mets and A's) and leads the entire Hotlanta rotation in ERA and K's.

10.) Houston Astros (27-22)- The Astros were flying high, but lately have hit a little bit of a rut (5-5 in their last 10). Don't blame Lance Berkman. The all-everything man for Houston leads the team in every major offensive category and is making a serious push for the triple crown...although we'll take a wait and see approach with that. No, it's their pitching that's been their achilles heal. The only SP with a winning record is Shawn Chacon, but he's only 1-0 on the year. Ace Roy Oswalt needs to get his act together if Houston wants to rise up.

UEFA Champions League Final Preview

Young Swole has been out of action recently, criss-crossing the nation to drink with friends and remember what 50 degrees feels like. There hasn't been much time to post on here, but today's momentous soccer final appears a good time to jump in. For the first time in Champions League history, two English teams will face off in the final, which will feature Manchester United and Chelsea. Not only will this game feature two extremely talented squads, it will also speak loudly on the general condition of English soccer. With so much on the line lets jump in and see whats in store for us at 230 this afternoon.

How Man U got here:
Manchester United has been the best team in Europe all season. This sentence made me sick to type because usually English club teams are vastly overrated compared to other teams from across the continent. However you can't overlook a team that won its league, and scored the most goals in the Champions League tournament in the run up to the final. Thanks to the wonderful talents of Cristiano Ronaldo, the tireless work ethic of Carlitos Tevez and a skillful defense led by Nemanja Vidic and Patrice Evra, Man U has been able to play an aggressive style that incoroporates the blinding speed its attacking players possess.



How Chelsea got here:
Chelsea was supposed to have reached this point years ago, but finally with Jose Mourinho quitting the team last fall did Chelsea break through to this point and validate the hundreds of millions of dollars that Russian oil baron (tyrant) Roman Abramovich has thrown into the team. With arguably the most talented roster on the face of the planet, Chelsea caught fire in the winter months and continued that into the spring, where it dispatched Liverpool in a classic semifinal matchup in the CL and very nearly caught Man U in the EPL. Chelsea has a fantastic midfield led by Michael Essien, Michael Ballack and Claude Makelele, a solid defense and a ruthless striker in Didier Drogba up front. It finally seems that Chelsea are playing more forward as well and are willing to take more chances in order to score, which has been a problem in the past. This freedom may be the reason why they have gone further this year than in the past.

Man U Probable Lineup
G - Edwin Van Der Sar
D - Gary Neville
D - Rio Ferdinand
D - Nemanja Vidic
D - Patrice Evra
M - Owen Hargreaves
M - Michael Carrick
M - Paul Scholes
M - Cristiano Ronaldo
F - Carlos Tevez
F - Wayne Rooney

With Vidic healthy and anchoring the defense, Man U's attacking options have the freedom to move forward and pressure the Chelsea defenders. If Carrick and Scholes can handle the Chelsea midfield and thus control the ball and the pace of the game, Man U will have an excellent chance to win. This will not be easy because neither player is as physical or talented as Essien is for Chelsea. Keep an eye on Evra, who has been a revelation since joining Man U from Monaco and has the speed and talent to support and augment the Man U defense while being able to keep up with Chelsea's attack.



Probable Chelsea Lineup
G - Peter Cech
D - Michael Essien
D - Ricardo Carvalho
D - John Terry
D - Ashley Cole
M - Claude Makelele
M - Michael Ballack
M - Frank Lampard
M - Joe Cole
F - Didier Drogba
F - Salomon Kalou

Chelsea does not have the firepower of Man U, which means they will have to rely on their midfield more to create a more deliberate pace of play. They definitely have the ability to do so, and if they turn the game into a physical affair then their size and strength advantage could stifle Manchester. Whoever plays right back will have the task of slowing down Cristiano Ronaldo. Paulo Ferriera may have been able to in the past, but Ronaldo is just too fast for him now. That means that the sublime Essien should be the man with the task, and with his talent he may do better than anyone else has at stopping the Portuguese Metrosexual.

One note on the state of English Soccer
Its funny how so many soccer fans think England plays the best soccer in the world and this all-English final will probably be more ammunition in the minds of the dim-witted humans who support this fact. However, if we look at these two squads in addition to the other powerful English club teams Arsenal and Liverpool, we see teams full of players from other countries. Man U will likely only start 4 English players at the most, Chelsea only two. Liverpool has a Spanish coach and their best players all come from different countries. Arsenal doesn't even have an English born player in its starting 11. What this shows is that not only do English clubs have the most money to spend on foreign players, they also realize that the players from England simply cannot cut it for their teams. This is reflected in the shambolic state of the English National Team, which failed to qualify for the Euro 2008 tournament that begins in a couple of weeks because they could not beat Croatia at home in the final qualifying game. When coupled with the fact that England also failed to qualify for the World Cup in 1994 and haven't made it past the quarterfinals in any tournament since, its obvious that English soccer deserves none of the hype that is still somehow bestowed upon it.

Prediction for the game
The key in any champions league final is for an early goal to be scored. If one team scores early than the game is forced to be opened up out of sheer desperation for an equalizer. If not, then most of the time teams grow fearful of allowing a goal and play it very close to the vest. With both sides almost completely healthy, there will be no temptation on either side to try and play for the inevitable penalty kicks. And with Chelsea's newfound desire to actually try and score goals and Man U's attack minded style of play, this game could become wide-open similar to Chelsea-Liverpool in the semifinals. Every soccer fan obviously wants this, and I think the trend of English teams shitting the bed in big games will be offset since thankfully there are very few English players in the game. Chelsea is going to try very hard to control Ronaldo and i think they will be effective. However, Carlos Tevez is one of the most underrated strikers in the world and has the speed and ability to elude the Chelsea defense and finish his opportunities. I have a feeling he is going to have a huge game today while Chelsea tries to stop "The Fruity One". Chelsea is not that good at playing from behind, and will struggle to open up Drogba from Ferdinand and the excellent Vidic in the center of the field. I think Man U will tack on a late goal and celebrate deep into the Moscow night with a 2-0 victory.

Blank Check Revisited

Remember "Blank Check"? It was a Disney movie from the mid-90's about a kid who gets his bike run over by a mobster and gets a blank check for his troubles. The kid uses his computer to write the check for 1 Million Dollars (que Dr. Evil laugh) and goes on a crazy spending spree in which he buys a castle, giant sumo suits, a waterslide, virtual reality games, a race track and more (I bet if you actually looked at the receipts, this would have cost well over 10 mill). The plan backfires on him when the money dries up and the mobster comes looking for the cash. Like most Disney endings though, everything's all good in the end. I'm sure that pretty much every kid that saw this movie wished he was in the main character's shoes, but nobody actually thought it would be possible to be in this situation. Well it is possible. Check out this story about a kid from Texas who used his dad's credit card to make all of his wildest dreams come true.

http://www.money.co.uk/article/1000390-13-year-old-steals-dads-credit-card-to-buy-hookers.htm

MLB Power Poll

Besides the Post-season, nothing gets baseball fans more pumped up than Interleague play. Purists call it a black pock on the sport, but I'm all for mixing things up. Sure, matchups between the Orioles and Nationals isn't going to draw big crowds, but for each one of those, there's a Subway/Windy City/Battle For LA series. Get ready, because the rivalries begin tommorrow! Back to the Power Poll where the Upton Brothers are dominating the poll this week.

1.) Arizona Diamondbacks (24-15)- The D-backs are on top again by default. They haven't been lighting it up lately (4-6 in their last 10), but nobody else has stepped up to steal their spot. They were actually just swept by the Cubs at Wrigley this weekend, but bounced back against Colorado yesterday. This team has really shaped into a squad that opposing clubs fear. The stellar pitching has been mentioned time and time again, but they've got an artillary of young, strong hitters that have been giving oppossing pitchers nightmares. Conor Jackson and Justin Upton are both hitting .331 on the year and have 5 and 6 HR so far, respectively. They've picked up the slack for Eric Byrnes who's only swinging a measly .220 on the season.

2.) Chicago Cubs (23-16)- Chicago currently leads the NL Central due to 5 wins in their last 6 games. The Cubbies have been torching opponents lately thanks in part to the return of Alfonso Soriano. After one of the stupider on-field injuries you'll ever see (hurt his calf while doing a hop after making a catch), Soriano has jacks in his last 2 games. After finishing up with the Padres, the Cubs don't have to deal with the first series of interleague play as they get a break against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

3.) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (24-17)- The Angels lost 4 in a row last week, but have won their last 2 to regain control of the AL West. Their already serviceable pitching staff got a huge boost with the return of John Lackey from a triceps injury. Lackey hasn't pitched this year after winning 18 last season. Even though the offense has been fine, they could really use Howie Kendrick (aka Mr. Glass). He's been on the DL for a couple of weeks now, but when he's in the lineup he's batting .500. The AL should beware of these Angels...they're deceivingly evil.

4.) Tampa Bay Rays (23-16)- That's right bitches, you heard me. The Rays went from Zeros to Heros by winning every game since my last post except for today. The main reason for the turn-around? An absolutely dominant pitching staff. James Shields has 2 CG Shutouts (vs. the Red Sox and Angels) this year, Matt Garza is finally rounding into form and Scott Kazmir has been stifling as of late and he just got PAID(today he signed a 3 year, 28.5 million dollar extension). The Rays have smartly locked down their top players for the forseeable future and this could be a dangerous core over the next few years.

5.) St. Louis Cardinals (23-18)- This is the part of the poll where we dig into teams with solid records, but are slumping. The Cards are on a 3 game losing streak, but still only sit a game back of the Cubbies. In fact, they only won once since the last poll (losers of 6 out of 7). They're hoping their series against the Pittsburgh Pirates will help get them back on track. The pitching that once was their saving grace, has turned into their achilles heal. It's been a week and a half since they've given up less than 4 runs in a game and they gave up 8 a piece the last 2 nights. They'll need that to change if they want to keep pace in a tight NL Central Race.

6.) Boston Red Sox (24-19)- Another slumping club is the team known as Red Sox Nation. The Sawx have dropped 4 straight and fallen out of first in the AL East. Boston pitchers have allowed at least 5 runs in each of the those losses to teams that aren't normally classified as having potent offenses (Twins and Orioles). The biggest dissapointment has been Clay Buchholz. The second year phenom pitched a no-hitter last year and looked to be the next big thing in pitching, but this year he's been absolutely dreadful. He was 2-3 with a 5.53 era before hitting the 15-day DL a couple of days ago. Dice-K (6-0) and Company will have to pick up the slack in his absence. If the rotation can pitch serviceably, this team should be able to turn things around rather quickly as Kevin Youkilis (team leader in RBI, BA, and HR) and the rest of the offense has been raking as always.

7.) Houston Astros (22-18)- The Astros' stock has really risen over the past week. In the month of May, they're 10-2. Lance Berkman has been arguably the best player in baseball and is currently tied for the league lead in HR (14). In addition, Berkman leads the team in BA, hits, RBI, Runs, total bases, OPS...basically everything. Everything that is, except for steals (Berkman is second in SB among everyday players) that belongs to Michael Bourn. The Bourn Ultimatum leads baseball in steals and will probably hold that lead for the rest of the year, as long as he can get on base (.187 BA).

8.) Florida Marlins (23-17)- The Marlins are a team that likes to go streaking. They've followed up a 7 game winning streak with a 3 game losing skid. It's not that they've just fallen asleep. Their last 4 games were decided by 2 runs or less. Surprisingly, I think this team can hang around because they rarely get blown out. They're well coached and unselfish. Hanley Ramirez is on pace for a 30/50 year and if the fish make any kind of noise in September, he could be up for MVP consideration.

9.) Oakland Athletics (23-18)- I was definitely planning on keeping the A's in the top half of this poll, but apparently they didn't get the memo about staying consistent. They've lost 4 of 5 since the last rankings and have looked positively inept in this current series against the Indians (0 ER in 2 games). Of course no one is hitting Cleveland pitching right now, but that's no excuse. Frank Thomas may be the big name in the clubhose, but Emil Brown was the biggest off-season pickup for Oakland. Among everyday players, he leads the team in every major offensive statistical category except for steals (and he's second in swipes). The problem is, when the guy who's leading your team in average is only hitting .270, you clearly aren't producing enough. Time to step up if you want to earn your spot A's.

10.) Philadelphia Phillies (22-19)- The Phils are a game and a half back of the Marlins in the NL East, but Florida shouldn't feel safe by any means. This is a team that's built to go on runs. They can outscore almost any team in the league thanks to Chase Utley (tied for the league lead in HR with Berkman). Ryan Howard has yet to pull his head out of his ass, but he always starts slow. He only had 5 Homeruns up to this point in 2007 and still went on to slam 47 dingers. The problem with the Phillies is their gaping hole in the rotation. Sure, Cole Hamels (4-3) is a stud, but after that it's pretty ugly. Brett Myers has been pathetic (15 Homers given up this year is twice as many as any other pitcher on the staff) and the only pitcher besides Hamels with a winning record is Kyle Kendrick (3-2) and he's got an ERA approaching 5.00. These guys are taxing the bullpen, but luckily the RP's have been stellar (4 guys with sub-2.00 era's).

ESPN Looooves them some northeast baseball

(Typical action on a summer evening at ESPN studios)

This is not breaking news by any stretch of the imagination, but it just gets so frustrating to have to deal with ESPN's love affair with the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees. I bring this up because once again this weekend, Sunday Night Baseball will feature one of these two teams. This will mark the 4th time already this season that Boston has been on baseball's featured game of the week, and that doesn't even count all the times they've been shown on a mid-week game. What makes this frustrating is how ESPN puts them on TV against mediocre teams even though there are much better games available. This week they play against a decent Twins team, which is a good matchup but definitely not the best of the weekend. Instead, ESPN could have shown the Diamondbacks (Currently the best team in baseball) versus the Cubs (a team with a better record than the Twins), or possibly shown matchups like the Cardinals-Brewers or Angels-Rays, all of whom have over .500 records. Fox is also choosing to make Yankees-Tigers the featured game of their weekend. Both these teams have struggled greatly making this game much less interesting than originally thought.

This weekend's selection of games brings up the greater point of how narrow ESPN's baseball focus has become. The Sox or Yanks are pretty much guaranteed to lead off Baseball Tonight telecasts, often at the expense of more important and exciting games. Sportscenter barely mentions any other team on its telecasts, and buries games not featuring Boston or New York deep in its telecast. ESPN has also done away with showing any late-night games, which means west coast teams get virtually ignored. This is an especially dubious decision in 2008, because western teams like the D'Backs, Dodgers, Angels and Athletics are all solid teams and could very well factor in not only the playoff race but the World Series. Yet these teams barely get mentioned, while non-stories such as Joba Chamberlain yelling after a strike out becomes newsworthy somehow.

The Yankees and Sox have always been popular teams, but in recent years as their rivalry has become exceedingly overblown and overhyped, their nonstop coverage has begun to hurt the rest of the league. I bet 80% of fans can't name 5 hitters in the Diamondback lineup, or name any starter on the Angels besides John Lackey. While to some this may not be a big deal, isn't it the media's responsibility to completely cover a story from all angles to inform the viewer to the best of their power? And therefore shouldn't ESPN be responsible for informing their viewers to all of the best teams in baseball equally, so that viewers can be as knowledgeable as possible about the events taking place? I guess its too much to ask from a network more interested in creating the news than actually reporting it (Tejada, Clemens, etc.), but hopefully more voices can speak out so that ESPN realizes that baseball fans actually exist outside of the northeast, and that we demand a much more balanced description of what is happening in MLB on a nightly, weekly, and season-long basis.

Sir Charles Admits to being a Dumbass

The Chuckster has done many hilarious/stupid things in his life and many of them have been seen on "Inside the NBA" on TNT. Well, Barkley outdid himself last night. Take a look.

MLB Power Poll

The League is bi-polar right now as half of the division leaders have leads of at least 3 games (AL East, NL Central, and NL West) while the other divisions all have at least one team within a game of the front-runner, and in the case of the AL Central, all 3 teams are within 3.5 games. What does this mean in the world of baseball? Well there's a pretty significant gap between the elite teams and the rest of the pack. Let's dissect.

1.) Arizona Diamondbacks (22-11)- The D-backs hold onto the top slot in the rankings for the 4th week in a row (constituting every week of the power poll so far), but their claws are loosening. Arizona has a .500 record in their last 10 games and they've failed to hold their opponents to under 4 runs in every game since last week Monday. Brandon Webb keeps rolling (7-0) and is the current top contender for the NL Cy Young Award. Keep an eye out for Mizzou Phenom pitcher Max Scherzer who will make his first career MLB start on Saturday at the Cubs.

2.) Boston Red Sox (22-13)- Boston is currently on a 5 game win streak going into tonight's game against Detroit. The Red Sox took the first two from the Tigers and have won 4 of 5 of them this season. After getting swept by the Rays a week and a half ago, the BoSox got redemption by sweeping Tampa Bay at Fenway in their previous series. Dice K has been surprisingly consistent this year with a 5-0 record to pair with his 2.43 ERA and 33 K's. This rotation is shaping to be better than most expected at the beginning of the season. Red Sox Nation happily welcomed back David Ortiz to relevence this month. Papi is 9 for 21 with 2 Jacks in May.

3.) St. Louis Cardinals (22-12)- These Red Birds are flying high by winning 8 of their last 10 games. It's all about the Cards starting pitching. The only pitchers with more than one loss are Jason Isringhausen and Joel Pineiro (2 each). My apologies to Rick Ankiel. Last week I said he was slumping, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He has 12 hits since last Monday. He's aided St. Louis in winning all but 1 game since my last post. Props to Tony LaRussa who's put down the bottle long enough to help the Red Birds surprise the nation with their inspired play.

4.) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (22-13)- The Angels are another streaking team, which is why they land in the top 5 for the 4th straight week. Like the Cards, LAA has had stellar starting pitching from some unlikely names. Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana both sport dazzling 6-0 records and each have ERA's South of 3.00. With ace John Lackey nearing his return to the rotation, this could be the cream of the pitching crop in the American League. It's not just the rotation that rolling though, the offense has scored at least 3 runs in every game since the last Power Poll. 1st Baseman Casey Kotchman has been the surprise leader of the charge placing in the top 5 in the AL in Average and Slugging Percentage.

5.) Oakland Athletics (22-14)- I can't ignore the A's any longer. They deserve the 5 spot in the poll and I've been shafting them the past few weeks. Can you blame me though, this is still a team without name value. Like the Angels, the Athletics are on a 4 game winning streak and have been within a game of the division lead (or on top) for the great majority of the season. They don't blow you away, but they get the job done every game thanks to smart baseball and great management.

6.) Los Angeles Dodgers (19-15)- The Dodgers are one of the hottest teams in the majors. They're 8-2 in their last 10 and have won 4 series in a row. Brad Penny was rolling before today when he got absolutely shelled by the Mets giving up 10 runs and 10 hits in less than 5 innings. The key for LAD has been their outstanding offense. Matt Kemp has led the blue wave with a 10 game winning streak. 7 of those games were multi-hitters for the Right Fielder. Juan Pierre has started to pick up his game, but what the hell is wrong with Andruw Jones? He's batting just .170 and only has 1 bomb all year.

7.) Philadelphia Phillies (19-15)- The Phightin' Phils sat just a half game back of the NL East Division lead going into tonight's game against the top seeded D-backs. The teams have split the first two games of the series. Philly is 4-2 in their last 6 and have played in close contests throughout the week (only one game was decided by more than two runs since the last power poll). Thanks to their strong bullpen, they're able to win these close games. Brad Lidge won his first game of the year on Sunday and still has yet to give up an earned run all year. He's got 7 saves on the season. The Phillies are looking for their starting pitching to get up to speed with their potent offense as their Top 4 SP's have a .500 record on the year.

8.) Chicago Cubs (19-15)- The Cubbies represent our first cold team of the power poll this week. They're a chilly 3-7 in their last 10 games. In Jon Lieber's first start as a Cub since 2002, he gave up 5 runs in 2 innings of work including 4 dingers in the 2nd. 5-1 Carlos Zambrano has been the bright spot in a pretty dismal rotation. Rich Hill looked like an up and comer last year, but he was demoted to Triple-A Iowa this week after another sub-par performance. Luckily, the North-Siders hitting has been prolific so far to make up for their pitching bretheren. Derek Lee is in the top 7 in runs, homers, and hits in the National league and young Geovonny Soto is tied for the league lead in doubles (13) while sporting a .345 average, good enough for 8th in the NL. The Cubs hitters will have to keep firing on all cylinders if they want to stay close with the dangerous Diamondbacks in a 3 game series starting on Friday.

9.) Florida Marlins (19-14)- The Marlins lead the NL East thanks to victories in 3 of their last 4 games. Scott Olsen (4-1) and Mark Hendrickson (5-1) each notched W's for Florida this week to help stabilize a shaky rotation. Kevin Gregg had been 3-0 as a closer until he lost twice last week to leave Florida second-guessing their situation. The Marlins have found consistency in their batting lately thanks to the top shortstop in baseball, Hanley Ramirez. He's tied for third in the NL in steals and ranks in the top 12 in hits and runs. After their final game with the Brewers tommorow, they've got a 6 game road trip against the Nats and the Redlegs.

10.) Minnesota Twins (16-15)- This may come as a shock to some, but the before falling to the ChiSox yesterday, the Twinkies had been cruising (winners of 5 in a row...they're also up big right now after a lengthy rain delay). Similar to the A's, the Twins don't have the brand name players that most of the other teams on this list have, but they're getting the job done thanks to some newbies like Carlos Gomez (tied for the AL lead in Steals). Joe Mauer is once again proving that when healthy, he's arguably the best hitting catcher in the big leagues. He's currently third in the AL in average at .337. Meanwhile, the pitching staff has mean pretty boo-urns, but they're doing enough to get credit. Look for Francisco Liriano to be back up in the rotation in the next couple of weeks after a pretty solid minor league stint so far. Big props to Ron Gardenhire for his brilliant managerial skills after losing so much in the off-season.

Others Receiving Votes: Atlanta Braves (17-15), New York Mets (17-15), Houston Astros (18-16)

Yo Bro...Psycho T is EXTREME!!!

Looks like NCAA Basketball Player of the Year Tyler Hansbrough loves extreme frat sports. Maybe we can get him at DU's Fishin' on 3rd 2k9.

-for a larger look, check out this link.

We Have a Winner

In case anyone has not heard, Tim Russert officially announced the death of the Hillary Clinton campaign last night...Thank the Lord

Nike Euro 2008 Commercial

Nike always brings the heat with its soccer commercials (Brazil at the airport, Secret Tournament, Joga Bonito) and this spot for the upcoming European Championships is no different. Definitely the best commercial i've seen all year. Follow the link because i can't post the video in here right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwlpTgbQTE

NBA X's and O's

Here's my thoughts on some odds and ends in the NBA right now

Kobe wins the 2008 MVP Award

I completely agree with this selection. After Young Swole's post on the NBA awards, I wrote that I believed that Kobe deserved the award over KG. In the playoffs, it's obvious that KG isn't as stellar as the other front runners for the award, CP3, LBJ, and Kobe. The C's looked fairly pathetic against the worst team in the playoffs, while Kobe torched a Nuggets team that won 50 games. Bryant won the award for his outstanding regular season play though and it was obvious to me that he was the best player during the season on the Western Conference's best team. I think CP3 can make an argument, but the bottom line is, Kobe was just a hair better. It's nice to see Bryant put his past behind him.

Mike D'Antoni and Rick Carlisle close to having new jobs

Over the past couple of days, ESPN has reported that Rick Carlisle is the leading candidate to take over the Dallas Mavericks job while Suns coach Mike D'Antoni appears to be on the verge of accepting a new role as coach of the Chicago Bulls. The Mav's decision baffles me a bit. I like Carlisle. He did an admirable job with the Pacers and Pistons (winning 50+ games with Detroit in 3 straight seasons), but he could never win in the clutch. He wasn't able to get either team to the NBA finals, let alone win one. How is this an upgrade for Dallas. Avery Johnson had the best winning percentage in the NBA the past 3 years and even though he couldn't get big D a title, he made it there in '06 and locked down a 1 seed last year. So they are pretty much replacing a coach who can't win big games for one who couldn't win big games a few years ago. D'Antoni makes sense from both angles. Chicago is an appealing place to coach considering their illustrious history. They don't have MJ anymore, but they do have a young talented core that could easily make the playoffs next year. Let's face it, it's way easier to win in the East than in the West. Phoenix was already fading this year, and next season could be their last year with Shaq and Nash. This was the second oldest team in the NBA and they are going nowhere but down. They also have an owner that gives away all of their draft picks for cash. The Bulls are hiring a guy who is a proven winner and will automatically upgrade a team that was picked by many to win the East this year (plus they have a lottery pick next year).

Pistons go up 2-0 on Magic after a controversial 3 pointer

If you've seen ESPN at all today, or watched the game yesterday night, you know what went down. Chauncey Billups nailed a Triple before the 3rd quarter buzzer sounded. The buzzer should have sounded almost a second earlier, but the Shot Clock malfunctioned and the Pistons were awarded the three. This put Detroit up by a point and they went on to win 100-93. I realize I'm a biased Pistons fan, but to be real, they would have won this game anyway. The Magic played terrible down the stretch and couldn't make any of the key shots that would have gotten them back in the game. Orlando is understandably pissed about what happened, but if they would have taken care of their own business this would have been a moot point. The big story here is that the Pistons are back like cooked crack. Early in the first round, everyone was picking the upstart 76's to win the series after going up 2-1. However, Detroit took the last 3 games in the series and have now won 5 in a row. They're just 2 wins away from reaching their 6th straight Eastern Conference Final.

Hornets win again to put the Spurs in a 2-0 hole

This headline shouldn't be as surprising as people are making it out to be. Sure, New Orleans isn't a name program and they finished outside of the playoff picture last year, but that was without David West and Peja Stojakovic for most of the year and Chris Paul missed multiple games with injury as well. Now that they are together and healthy, the Hornets are a team on a mission. They did win both of these games at home, but that's what your supposed to do when you are the higher seeded team. They are also playing the defending champs. Their strong defense has limited the Spurs offensive game especially Tony Parker who averaged well over 30 points a game against the Suns. One more thing, CP3 is literally unstoppable. Enough said.

Wow

This kid is more messed up than Young Swole after a weekend full of smoking crystal meth laced with Knowshon Moreno pubic hair. Be sure to note:
-how long the kids shorts are (in the first ten seconds)
-how he claims his friend (also age 7) likes to smoke cigarettes:

The Official GDB Kentucky Derby Preview

Oh, Christ. I'm completely pulling this out of my ass since I don't really know ANYTHING about the Kentucky Derby (except that being in the infield is one of the greatest experiences of my life, highly recommended, if you can remember), much less horse racing. But here we are, the "Most Exciting 2 Minutes in Sports" (ya, like horse racing is a sport... I don't care what Seabiscut says). Lucky for this group, legendary Smarty Jones, as chosen by Young Porque 4 years ago to win the Derby (and did) is currently out to pasture eating and railing other horses. Here's a quick run down of everything you need to knew Derby-wise:


THE RACE:

It's the 134th running of the Derby, so I'd say it's a little storied. It's called the "Race for the Roses" due to the fact that the winner is showered with 554 roses. Arguably the most important horse race in the world and the kick off of the Triple Crown series. Supposedly it is also the most difficult to win, but that's all here say. It is a 1 1/4 mile track that is built for speed from the beginning and the final straightaway.

THE STAKES:

This year's total purse is $2+ million, with the winner taking home around $1.4 million. On top of that is the eternal glory of being a Derby winner, weeks of speculation as to whether or not you can take the Triple Crown, a garland of flowers, and if you end up dying sooner rather than later, a huge memorial service and weeks upon months of Breaking News coverage on ESPN (cue pictures of Barbaro, tear).


THE EVENT:

The Kentucky Derby is a race for 3 year old thoroughbred horses and the climax of the two-week Kentucky Derby Festival. This year features an overcrowded field of 20 horses running in front of 150,000 (or more) spectators wearing ridiculous hats. Highlights include "Millionaire's Box" (home to the ridiculous hats and the "privileged"), the infield (you can't really see the race, but hey, it's a frat party down there), and wonderful Mint Juleps (a drink of bourbon, mint, and sugar syrup mix. Absolutely delicious and the ACTUAL cause of why most do not see or remember the race).

THE STORY LINE COMING IN:

At this point, there are really 3 horses who are deemed as the favorites to win the Kentucky Derby this year, and all three have questions surrounding them.

1.) Big Brown, a lightly ridden horse, with a mere three lifetime starts. Is he actually the prodigal horse that so many people think he is? It should be noted that, although he only has three starts under his belt, he is 3-0. He may be the most talked about horse since young Barbaro, but will all the pressure get to his head? Should he take the checkered flag (?), Big Brown will most certainly deserve all the hype as to whether or not he can truly be the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978. He is coming out of the last post, number 20, with 3-1 odds.

2.) Colonel John, based out of California with 4-1 odds, has only raced on "Cushion Track", synthetic dirt. The Kentucky Derby is made of REAL dirt. Will he be able to copy his previous success from those synthetic surfaces to dirt surfaces? Based on his past performances, all signs point to yes. He will be coming out of the 10 post.

3.) "Young" Pyro, a Porque favorite and his pick to win it all, is also considered a favorite, at 6-1 odds. The question with him is if he can recover mentally from his most recent race, an absolute disaster. He finished a piss poor 10th out of 12, losing by 39 lengths in the Blue Grass Stakes at Keeneland Race Course in Lexington. However, that course was raced on PolyTrack, a synthetic surface and, unlike Colonel John, Pyro has not finished below third on dirt surfaces.

A possible fourth question is if anyone else can steal some thunder from those three favorites. No other horse in the field is listed at odds better than 15-1, so eyes will be on whether any of them can shock the world and steal the Derby? An interesting subplot is Eight Belles, at a generous 20-1 odds, trying to become the fourth member of her gender to win the Derby. She has the tradition, will she let everyone else down?

PORQUE'S FEARLESS PICKS:

I generally choose my winner based upon how dank their name is, and it has worked twice for me, most notably when I chose Smarty Jones on a hungover Friday afternoon at an Indiana University cafeteria with Young Knuckleballer, and most recently Barbaro because the name made me think of him as a warrior. So with that, here are my choices:

1.) Pyro:



The California stallion has shown the late, breakaway speed that so often dictates the outcome of the Derby. He is accustomed to racing on dirt and has already shown the ability to crank out the 1 1/4 miles with ease. Plus, he is a hometown boy, being trained in Louisville, so he should have the crowd behind him.




2.) Big Brown



Big Brown has the lightening quick speed to get it down, but questions remain as to if he can take on the entire length of the course. Having only three career starts under his belt does not instill confidence, and he does have a history of chronic sore feet. But he is considered a freakish athlete and coming out of the 20 post, he may encounter a lot of bumping and traffic, and no one knows how he will handle it. I think he has the potential to take it, but it may be too much to ask right now.




3.) Gayego



A slight long shot, this horse is currently 3-2 with a one race winning streak. He has never finished below second, so this horse knows what it is like to feel the podium and certainly will want to taste victory again. He currently stands at 1-0 outside of his home state of California, so he definitely can deal with a hostile environment. He has blazing speed that will favor him, but he is coming out of post 19, a post in which no horse has ever won the Derby. Can he rewrite the history books?





Unfortunately, Chad Johnson was not allowed to enter this year due to contract negotiations and the fact that he wasn't allowed a head start. Maybe next year Chad.

Enjoy the Derby and let the official speculation and questioning of a possible Triple Crown winner begin.

Detroit: Where Winning Happens

Before we get started, lets acknowledge the city of Detroit is a dump. Now nobody can make fun of the city because its open knowledge how crappy it is. With that said, last night proved that Detroit actually is the greatest sports city in America right now, regardless of how badly, and loudly, Boston tries to stake its claim to that title. Three huge victories in 24 hours, lets recap the events.

NBA - The Pistons finished off the Sixers in dominating fashion, 100-77, to win their first round series 4-2. While most complain that the team is lazy at times, and this is in fact true, what is also true is that no team in the league has been consistently as good for as long as the Pistons besides San Antonio. While the Celtics got all the hype this year, the Pistons had their trademark near-60 win season and seemed as primed for playoff success as they've been since Larry Brown left town. The Celtics have as good a chance to beat D-Town as anyone, but even if they do their success will still be a flash in the pan compared to the Pistons decade of Eastern Conference dominance.

NHL - Last night the Red Wings crushed long-time rival Colorado 8-2 to complete a 4 game sweep. Once again the Wings had the top team in the regular season, earned the top seed in the brutal Western Conference, and appear poised to reach the NHL finals. No team can even come close to Detroit's 15 year run in the NHL, and what makes it more amazing is that two distinct generations of talent have carried on the streak of greatness. While the first wave featured players like Steve Yzerman, Sergei Federov and Igor Larionov, the new reinvented Wings feature superstars like Zetterberg, Datsyuk and Franzen.

MLB - The third victory was the Detroit Tigers defeating the Yankees 8-4 to complete a three game sweep. It was important sign that people who were quick to write them off after a 2-10 start are looking mighty foolish now. With pitchers like Verlander and Bonderman starting to turn things around, and a bullpen that has done much better than what people thought it would, it appears as if the Tigers are going to survive a tough start and brutal schedule and become the team people thought they could and should be.

All in all a great sports night for the D, and a sign that from top to bottom, no other city can compete with present day achievements or Detroit's longevity of greatness.

The Question Now Is Who HASN'T Experienced "The Rocket"

A tumultuous past few months for Roger Clemens just keeps on getting worse. After his name and credibility were run through the mud, it appears all of his skeletons are starting to really come out. We have learned that in the course of his career, Roger has taken aim to, not only break as many pitching records as he possibly could, but also arguably the most hollowed record of them all: Wilt Chamberlain and his 20,000 women of love.

First it was an alleged affair with country singer Mindy McCready, who would have been 15 years old when Clemens gave her the business (that's normal). Then it was John Daly's former wife who claimed that she received her own version of a Clemens "ball" (terrible pun). Now, evidently, there is a stripper coming out of the woodwork claiming that Clemens and her had their own little affair going on. At the rate this is going (and things can only get that much more bizarre from here), look for the following names to step up next:

- Andy Pettite (completely inevitable)
- Mike Piazza's wife
- Madonna
- Barbaro

(The office pool I started is paying 5-1 odds on Barbaro, but only 1-2 odds on Pettite).

In other news of grimy professional athletes, Karl Malone has a son, Demetrius Bell, who was actually drafted this past year in the 2008 NFL Draft. Buuuuuuuuuut, it appears that Demetrius' mother, Gloria, had him when she was 13. Hmmm. I'm no math major here, but if she was 13, and it take 9 months to have a baby, that would make her about the ripe age of 12 when the Mailman delivered his seed. Malone was a sophomore in college when they met back in 1984 (and I thought that high school girl from my junior year was... nevermind). Anyways, Karl had this to say to his son after they finally met when Demetrius was 18:

"It's too late for us to have a relationship. You will have to make your own fortune."

Gee, thanks for the pep talk, pops. At least I didn't have to get sex advice from you.

Anyways, this leads me to the following advice for all future and current NBA, MLB, and NFL stars (we don't have to worry about NHL so much):

"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."

"Sex can wait - masturbate."

Official Track Guide to "Luigi Raceway"

This post starts a 16 part odyssey through the racetracks that comprise the greatest racing game of all time, Mario Kart 64. Today's edition features the first track of the Mushroom Cup, Luigi Raceway. This preview will focus on track design, preferred drivers and overall strategies for victory.

Luigi Raceway Track Design

Luigi Raceway is one of the easiest tracks in the game, purposely designed for the simple Mushroom Cup series of tracks. It features two sweeping corners, a short section through a tunnel, and a long straight-away that takes up almost half of the entire circuit. The only real obstacle is a upside-down question mark that drops immediately after the first item series along the left edge of the track. This is not hard to avoid, and there are no other threats on the track besides your fellow competitors. What this means is that Luigi Raceway is all about speed. Power sliding is imperative through the long corners and top speed on the straightaways is a necessity. Furthermore, because the track is not that long, it means that speed items are invaluable. A star or super mushroom can easily cover half a lap if used right. The only real difficulty of the track is because of its short-length and easiness, it's virtually impossible to pull away from your enemies, meaning that tight racing and close finishes are pretty much an inevitability.

Luigi Raceway Preferred Drivers

Young Swole is always an advocate for taking fast drivers like Yoshi, Toad or Princess yet they are not needed for success at this track. Because of its long straightaways and close competition, the size advantage of DK or a Bowser not only gives the better top-end speed but will also help you bully your way through the corners. However, its pretty easy to win with any driver at this track if you know how to use items at the right times and at the right locations on the track.

Luigi Raceway Victory Strategies

Racers have to view Luigi Raceway like the Mario Kart version of Talledega. You are not going to be able to get away from your competition and close finishes are common. And just like in Talladega races, its not always best to be in first towards the end of the race. At Luigi Raceway, a banana or green shell will do no good if your opponent has a star or super shroom, because the speed difference will make it almost impossible to stop them. Therefore, I advise a strategy of staying behind the leader while hording items to make a last-turn pass once you exit the tunnel on the 3rd lap. This can be done in three ways. First off, if you have a speed item like a star or mushroom. you can simply jump off the left of the track and hug the inside brick wall, which will cut off drastic amounts of time and leave you in good position to out-sprint the competition on the last short straightaway to the finish. If you have an attacking item like red shells, this lets you wait until the final last straightaway to hit the race leader. Because of the wide dimensions of the track, red shells are extremely effective and are a virtual guarantee of a hit. Having a bunch of shells will also help you knock any fellow competitors out of the way that may be around you. Finally, if you are stuck with a garbage item like a banana or a ghost, being close to the leader will allow you one final item pickup before the last straightaway. Depending on what you get, you can either blast the leader or be close enough to outdrive them to the finish.

Summary

Luigi Raceway is obviously an easy raceway to traverse, yet to win there must be good strategy implemented. If you want to be a front runner, then you better know how to power-slide and and use secondary items like bananas or green shells to your advantage. If you hang out behind the leader, you cannot get too far behind the leader or else you will look like a fool. And finally, you have to be able to catch up really fast, because lap times are usually around 40 seconds at 150cc, which leaves no margin for error on the final lap of the race. If you stay close to the leaders and acquire the advantageous items for the track, winning is a distinct possibility depending on the level of competition you are playing with. Just make sure you have something left at your disposal for that last straightaway, because I can guarantee someone else will and may be waiting to blow you up and ruin your solid race.

Not Your Typical "Date"...

My ideal Wednesday night:

- Girlfriend comes over to watch movies...

- "Movies" turn into a porn...

- Girlfriend mistakes guy in porn as me...

- Girlfriend gets a knife, stabs me in the face, bites me in the chest, chases me around my apartment wearing only shorts and forces me to call the police when she ALREADY wasn't supposed to be around me for battery charges...

You can't make this shit up:

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/usworld/news-article.aspx?storyid=107903

Look for Fox to premire this new reality show after next year's Super Bowl: "When Crazy Bitches Attack!

MLB Weekly Power Poll

We just completed the 5th week of the Major League Baseball season and most of the divisions still have surprise leaders (AL East- Baltimore, AL Central- Chicago, NL East- Florida, NL Central- St. Louis). So the question is, Should we start to accept that these teams are true contenders or will the cream eventually rise to the top. I'm a skeptic at heart and I'd be shocked in the White Sox, Marlins, or Orioles make the playoffs (let alone win their division), but the Cardinals may have some staying power. The problem is, there are 2 other teams that are just as frisky in the NL Central and it's going to be a battle. More on this in the coming weeks, but for now let's check out the power poll.

1.) Arizona Diamondbacks (20-8)- Like I said in the first edition of the poll, this team ain't going anywhere. They've still got the best record in the league, and they now lead their division by 6 games. No other division is separated by more than 1 1/2 games. I'm beating a dead horse here, but their pitching is insane. In the best matchup of the year to date, Brandon Webb outdueled Jake Peavy on Sunday to improve his record to 6-0 on the season. Brandon Lyon looked shaky early on, but since his manager said he had full faith in his closer, he hasn't allowed a run in his last 10 appearances. The D-backs could easily have this division wrapped up by mid-august.

2.) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (17-11)- The Halo's just took 2 of 3 from the Red Sox and Tigers, and haven't lost a series in their last 6 chances. Two surprises for this team have been Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana. The "other" Santana has always been good at home, but lately he's been solid on the road as well to move to 4-0 on the season. Meanwhile, Saunders pitched 8 innings of shutout ball yesterday against the A's. I've said it before, but when John Lackey comes back, this team is going to be downright scary.

3.) St. Louis Cardinals (18-11)- The Cards have rolled off 5 of their last 7 against divisional competition (Pirates, Astros, Reds). They'll get their first whack at the elite in the NL Central starting on Friday when the Cubs come to the Arch. Remember how I bashed Braden Looper last week? Well he's quietly gone 4-1 so far. Guess who else is ballin'? Adam Wainwright (3-1) and Kyle Lohse (3-0). Albert Pujols is still smoking the ball and this team has to be taken seriously now as long as their health remains a non-issue. Unfortunately, Rick Ankiel has cooled off a little. It's a good thing the Red Birds don't need him on the mound.

4.) Boston Red Sox (15-11)- I'm probably still giving this team more credit than they deserve, but it's hard to slight the defending World Champs. They did just get swept by the Red Sox, but in one of those games Josh Beckett had an absolute gem (13 K's, 1 ER) and would have won 99% of the time, but James Shields had a career start with a Complete Game Shutout. Still, the Red Sox appear to be right where they want to be...tied for the division lead.

5.) Chicago Cubs (16-10)- I almost slotted the Cubbies ahead of the Sawx, but they are currently on a 2 game losing streak (and they've dropped 4 of 5) so I left them in the middle spot. They've got a big upcoming week of divisional play against the Cardinals and Reds (and they're currently finishing up with the Brew Crew) so we'll discover just how good these Cubbies can be in our next poll.

6.) Milwaukee Brewers (15-11)- This team has really been rather mediocre this year. They're just 5-5 over their last ten and they've really got to start putting together a string of victories if they want to overtake the Cubs and Cards. Prince and Ryan Braun, it's up to you to put this team on your back and score some more runs.

7.) Philadelphia Phillies (15-12)- It's pretty amazing that this team is right on the brink of taking over the NL East Division lead without their MVP from last year. They also have received next to nothing from Ryan Howard, the MVP from 2 years ago. It's all about Chase Utley. He continues to rake along with his buddy Pat Burrell later in the lineup. I gotta tip my hat to these guys for helping this team contend without so many pieces.

8.) Florida Marlins (15-11)- I know, I know. The Marlins are ahead of the Phils in the standings, but let's be serious, they aren't as good as the Phillies and they won't be ahead of them down the stretch (and probably not in the next poll). One thing can be said about this team, they've got the best player in baseball leading off for them. There, I said it. Hanley Ramirez is the best in the bigs right now in my opinion. Whichever contender gets him on their roster after he becomes a free agent is going to be very happy (and a lot less rich).

9.) New York Mets (14-11)- That's right, 3 in a row for the NL East. The Amazin' Mets make their debut in the power poll this week at #9. I can definitely see this team making a move up the ladder as time goes on because of their superior line-up. They're stacked on offense and any time Johan's on the hill, you know it's almost always an automatic W. Right now, this club looks like they're primed for the playoff...but it's a long season.

10.) Oakland Athletics (17-11)- I almost left the A's off the list this week, but the record speaks volumes, even if the play on the field isn't exactly inspiring. They've still quietly won 5 of 7, but how long can this young squad keep it up. I would be a lot more sold on them if Rich Harden were healthy, but I guess you can't really count on that now can you. The Big Hurt was a big addition for them, and it should do wonders for this offense.

Also Receiving Votes: Tampa Rays (15-12), Baltimore Orioles (15-12), Chicago White Sox (14-12), Los Angeles Dodgers (14-13)