Young Swole will try to tell you that Football Players from the University of Georgia are upstanding citizens, but we all know the truth. Here's what the Bulldogs are really like off the field...in today's episode of "Don't Tase me Bro", former UGA Running Back Tim Worley gets blasted by a Police Officer after getting pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
NBA MVP: Kevin Garnett. You will not find a bigger Boston hater than Young Swole, but it is simply impossible to hate on what KG has meant to the Celtics since his arrival. He singlehandedly revived one of the greatest franchise in pro sports history, completely changed the attitude of an entire city that had become apathetic towards pro hoops, and on the court changed the Celtics from a bunch of lazy bums into the top title contender in the whole NBA. I remember the first game of the season against the wizards when KG was so amped up that he shot an airball on his first attempt. Then he settled down and the Celts blew the Wiz out of the building, and pretty much haven't let off the gas pedal since. For winning the most games in the whole NBA, and causing the greatest turnaround in league history, The Big Ticket has to be the man.
2nd: CP3 (An amazing season and the best PG in the NBA, his case would have been stronger if the Hornets had won the west, but they faded a little down the stretch)
3rd: Kobe Bryant. A great season from the Mamba, but Gasol and Bynum were just as integral to the Lakers better season as Kobe was
NBA Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant. For all the bullshit that KD and the Sonics had to go through this year, it is quite incredible the accomplishments that this kid put up. Whereas most rookies fade down the stretch of the long NBA season, Durant only got better and better. He shot over 50% from the field the last 2 months of the season and began to have those career defining games such as when he led the Sonics over the Nuggets in double OT by hitting threes from near 40 feet away. He not only grew physically stronger, but mentally as well. The Sonics were awful all year, but Durant never mailed it in. He instead continued to work hard to improve his game while caring immensely for the fans of a team that was in the yearlong process of being stolen by a consortium of Oklahoma fuckstains and David Stern. Not that they really deserve it, but Oklahoma City fans are going to enjoy watching a perennial all-star for the next 3 years.
2nd: Al Horford (Provided an inside presence for the Hawks, showed no fear against the best big men in the league)
3rd: Rodney Stuckey (Guys like this are why Joe Dumars has the GM game on lock)
NBA 6th Man of the year: JR Smith. This guy may be the most explosive player in the NBA, literally and figuratively. When he has his head screwed on straight he provides the Nuggets with a scoring option that cannot be stopped. He's averaged nearly 20 points off the bench over the last 2 months of the season, and his contribution in the game last week against Golden State saved Denver's season. When he came in they were down by nearly 20 points, after all was said and done the Nugs had pretty much locked up a playoff berth. What more could you ask of a 6th man?
2nd: Louis Williams (Helped the 76ers become the surprise team of the 2nd half of the season)
3rd: Travis Outlaw (Part of a scary young nucleus out in the Pacific Northwest)
NBA Most Improved Player: Monta Ellis. We first saw a glimpse of his talent last spring when the Warriors went on their playoff run, but this year has been a revelation. Ellis is not only the most dangerous and unstoppable player in the open court in the entire NBA, but he may also be the best mid-range jump shooter in the league as well. For a guard to shoot as high of a field goal percentage as Ellis did is unbelievable. As long as he plays in the Golden State system, he will easily average 25 points a game from here on out.
2nd: Al Jefferson (The only bright spot in a dismal Timberwolves season)
3rd: Hedo Turkoglu (Along with Dwight Howard helped turn around the Magic franchise)
NBA Defensive Player of the Year: Kevin Garnett. Not only did he provide an intimidating presence in the paint for the Celtics, but by changing the attitude of the team so that defense was their number 1 focus, he helped make the Celtics into the best defensive team in the NBA.
2nd: Manu Ginobili (I hate him as much as any other non-Spurs fan, but this dude is legit)
3rd: DeShawn Stevenson (Anybody with the balls to call out King James, and then actually slow him down is pretty impressive)
NBA Coach of the Year: Byron Scott. For the second time in his career, Scott has now resurrected a moribund franchise and turned them into title contenders. The only reason he was in New Orleans is because Jason Kidd is a huge bitch, but the Nets loss was the Hornets gain. Scott was smart enough to realize what he had in Chris Paul and developed the rest of the team around him. It is obvious his players respect him, which is pretty much the greatest compliment you can give to an NBA coach.
2nd: Rick Adelman (Leading a Rockets team without Yao to 55 wins is remarkable)
3rd: Maurice Cheeks (Coach of the most exciting young team in the Eastern Conference)
All-NBA First Team
G - Chris Paul
G - Kobe Bryant
F - Lebron James
F - Kevin Garnett
C - Dwight Howard
All-NBA Second Team
G - Deron Williams
G - Manu Ginobili
F - Paul Pierce
F - Amare Stoudemire
C - Marcus Camby
All-NBA Third Team
G - Steve Nash
G - Monta Ellis
F - Hedo Turkoglu
F - David West
C - Pau Gasol
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
P.S. The cub must have tried to use Sammy Sosa's old bat. If you look closely, you can see the cork inside.
Another exciting Little 500 came and went this weekend, with Cutters taking the checkered flag in a 10 lap breakaway from the main field. Making their move near lap 189, the team held strong and maintained a ½ lap lead over contenders TMT, Dodd’s House, ATO and Phi Psi with senior rider Sasha Land bringing home the victory.
Weather in the mid 40’s with light rain was tough on attendance, but riders fought hard nonetheless and the beginning few laps went off without a hitch. It wasn’t until somewhere around the 15th lap that the race saw its first yellow flag, as one rider was carried off on a paramedic board as a precaution. Things remained docile until close to lap 60, when pre-race favorite Black Key Bulls suffered a mechanical issue, struggling with to get the correct chain tension. Unfortunately there are no free laps in this one-of-a-kind relay event and the mechanical mistake proved disastrous for their overall chances. They lost an entire lap and were left to sprint for 8th place.
DU, GDB’s pre-race pick to win also struggled when a crash on lap 75 took them out of the lead group. Fallen rider Pete Stevens did well to control the damage and keep the team about ½ lap down. The comeback attempt was immediately enacted and Coach Jim Brunkella was changing riders rapidly. Riders swapped out every two laps to best maximize everyone’s energy levels. But as is often the case in bicycle racing, the pack was just too fast and after 20 laps, the comeback attempt was reeled in. The Boys in blue would have to settle for 9th place as Steve Tratar was edged out by Isaac Neff in the closing sprint.
The race circled on without too much excitement and it was Phi Psi, Cutters, TMT and Dodd’s House setting the pace for the majority of the time. With Black Key Bulls and top rider Isaac Neff off the lead lap, a wide open sprint finish seemed to be unavoidable. Laps 140-180 were calm, with the riders feeling each other out and waiting for the right moment to strike. Unsurprisingly, it was the Cutters who launched the winning move. Years of experience allowed Coach Jason Fowler to identify his team as the strongest. Sensing pain and weakness amongst their chief competitors, the attack was on, started by trailing Phi Psi as they came out for a burn. When they came around to pit, Cutters rider Sasha Land simply kept going. The teams remaining on the lead lap were slow to organize a chase and before too long, the Cutters had all but locked up their 9th title. After they crossed the line some 20 seconds ahead, it was TMT’s Ali Camera who put forth an impressive effort on the last lap to secure second place by about three bike lengths. He was followed by Dodd’s house, surprise contender ATO and Phi Psi to round out the top 5.
This was definitely one of the more anti-climactic races in recent years and many were disappointed not to have more exciting finish. Combined with really uncomfortable weather and this race was one you wouldn’t mind missing if you had to. With many talented riders returning next year, we’re sure to have another exciting installment at the 59th running of the Indiana University Men’s Little 500.
-Another big thank you to Young Contador for his recap.
-After the Finals appearance things went downhill for the Sonics. First they signed the worst player in the history of the NBA in Jim McIlvaine. Then Shawn Kemp turned into the Rick James of the NBA and was eventually traded to Cleveland. I thought rock bottom had been reached when Gary Payton was traded to Milwaukee, but i was wrong because the Sonics got back Ray Allen, who slowly helped turn the Sonics back into a contender. With the help of Rashard Lewis, Luke Ridnour and Flip Murray (who i constantly bugged Thompson about in sophomore year of college), the Sonics once again became a 50 win team and very nearly defeated eventual champions San Antonio in the 2nd round.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
This is a new GDB feature that I'll be doing once a week to show the movers and shakers throughout the course of the Major League Baseball Season. In honor of Jackie Robinson Day, let's play ball. Well, we're about 3 weeks into the season (if you count the Japanese series by the BoSox and A's) and while it's still too early to tell who the contenders and pretenders will be in the playoff race, there's a lot of crazyness going on in the standings. Here's the current leaders in each Division as of this posting. In parentheses I've listed what place each team finished in last year's divisional standings.
AL East- Baltimore Orioles (4th)
AL Central- Chicago White Sox/Kansas City Royals (4th/5th)
AL West- Oakland Athletics/Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (3rd/1st)
NL East- Florida Marlins (5th)
NL Central- St. Louis (3rd)
NL West- Arizona (1st)
As you can see, there are numerous surprise leaders after the first 3 weeks. Besides Arizona, the rest of the leaders are probably long-shots to win their respective divisions (although Young Cicero I'm sure feels differently about his Red Birds). Still, it seems like every year there's an unexpected team leading their division during the home stretch. Last year it was the D-backs, the year before it was the Tigers. Will one of these teams shock the baseball world and continue to dominate throughout the summer? Keep your eyes open, because like the Western Conference in the NBA, the baseball standings seems to change everyday. Without further ado, let's check out the current power rankings as seen by the Young "Knasty" Knuckleballer.
1.) Arizona Diamondbacks (10-4)- A year ago, people would have probably sent me death threats for this one, but today it's not so outlandish. Arizona currently owns the best record in baseball. The D-backs are still one of the youngest teams in baseball, but some of their young ballers (Upton, Young, Jackson) have bloomed before our eyes and turned into legit power threats. Eric Boourns is still one of the most underrated players in baseball. The two headed monster on the pitching staff, Brandon Webb and Dan Haren have come out blazing and it looks like they might be growing another head (albeit a decrepit one) in Randy Johnson who pitched 5 scoreless with 7 K's yesterday. As long as the bullpen holds up, this team is going to be sticking up near the top for most of the year.
2.) Boston Red Sox (8-6)- Don't get me wrong I'm not a fan of the nation, and while the Red Sox don't even have a top 5 record right now, they are starting to flex their muscles a bit. What the numbers don't show is that Boston has had to deal with one of the toughest schedules in the big leagues so far. Traveling to Japan definitely drained them and then they had to come back and take on the Jays, Yanks, Tigers, and now Indians. A nice comeback win over Cleveland yesterday and taking 2 of 3 from the Yankees boosted the Sawx stock. It's scary that they've been able to do this basically with no Big Papi (he's batting under .100 on the year). The bottom line is the Defending World Champs are still one of the scariest teams in the game.
3.) LA Angels (9-6)- Rumors of the Angels demise were sorely overexagerrated. While the pitching staff is very banged up right now (no Escobar, Lackey, and partial K Rod), the offense has picked up the slack in a big way. The nasty Outfield of Vlad Guererro, Torii Hunter, and Gary Matthews have been red hot powering the Angels to 3 straight wins. Howie Kendrick is really developing into a possible batting crown champ and Chone Figgins as always is tearing up the basepaths (ML leading 7 steals). If Jered Weaver can continue to eat up innings until Lackey gets back in a couple of weeks (apparently he's already throwing off the mound) then the Angels are going to be in perfect position in mid-may.
4.) St. Louis Cardinals (9-4)- Who outside of Missouri called this one (or outside of Quincy)? The Cards have jumped out to the Central division lead thanks to outstanding collective performances from their pitching staff. Kyle Lohse leads the no-name rotation with a 2-0 record and 1.04 era!!! Jason Isringhausen continues to do a serviceable job in the 9th inning racking up 5 saves on the young season. Meanwhile, Albert Pujols is burning fantasy owners and pundits that left him for dead by batting .390 with 3 jacks. Rick Ankiel is proving that he doesn't need HGH to be a potent hitter. Another positive for the Cards is that they have a sundry of pitchers coming back from injury over the next few weeks (Joel Pineiro, Mark Mulder, and Chris Carpenter). This team doesn't necessarily thrill you, but they get the job done.
5.) Milwaukee Brewers (8-4)- The Brew Crew have really heated up lately taking 2 of 3 from the Mets this weekend. Ben Sheets has been arguably the best pitcher in baseball so far and is the only current pitcher this year to throw a complete game shutout. The Brew Crew haven't even had their biggest surprise stud pitcher from last year, Yovani Gallardo, throw a pitch yet. He'll come off the DL to start sometime this weekend. If these two thugs can stay healthy and young hurler Manny Parra can develop, then this could be one of the top rotations in baseball. We'll lay off Eric Gagne for now, but I don't know how happy Ned Yost is about having this walking explosion close games right now. We'll montor the situation. I haven't even mentioned Milwaukee's imposing line-up yet. Fantasy Flames, Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder haven't gotten into their groove yet and they are still scoring runs in bunches thanks to dual threat Corey Hart. It goes without saying that the Brewers are going to be challengers all year long.
6.) Chicago Cubs (7-5)- I realize I just listed three NL Central teams in a row, but that's just how things shook out this week. This just shows what a great race this division is going to experience this year. The Cubbies haven't been a model for consistency so far, but when they're on they're clicking, this is one dangerous group of ballers. The North Siders have a nice balance on their roster featuring a mix of speed and power. Kosuke Fukudome (insert japanese-themed sex joke) has been a pleasant surprise in Wrigley showing that he was worth the money. Meanwhile, Derek Lee is bouncing back from a mediocre season last year and Aarmis Ramirez is up to his old tricks at the hot corner. Alfonso Soriano has yet to show his enormous skill set so far, but it's only a matter of time. Speaking of slow starters, Rich Hill has been very shaky thus far and needs to show that he's going to imitate his first half of last year as opposed to his second half. Kerry Wood has been an adventure, but as everyone knows he has the stuff to be dominating. After writing this I'm starting to realize that this divisional race is going to be a blast to watch.
7.) Chicago White Sox (8-5)- It's only fitting that the two windy city teams are back to back. The Chi Sox have started the year in strong fashion thanks to a total demolition of the Detroit Tigers (5-1 against the Kittens so far). This team is so hard to figure out. They have remained virtually the same since 2005 and yet it seemed like they were going downhill. Well this year, the same roster (plus Nick Swisher and Carlos Quentin) have got it back together. Somehow they are blowing up the box scores while shutting down their opponent's line-ups. Don't ask me how they're doing it, it's a mystery to me. Who would have thought that this week's series between the O's and White Sox would be a battle of Division leaders?
8.) Baltimore Orioles (8-5)- Another mystery team. The O's looked to be almost certainly headed to the AL East basement after they lost Eric Bedard in an off-season trade. However, they managed to play fundamental baseball on their way to the divison lead in the AL East. Now, we all know this isn't going to last, but it's a nice story for now. George Sherrill (part of the Bedard trade) is leads the MLB in saves with 6 and the bullpen in general has been stellar. The offense has been carrying this team. Without Miguel Tejada, it looked bleak in Baltimore, but Nick Markakis, Brian Roberts and Luke Scott (!!!?!?!) have been wielding big bats so far and somehow the O's score in the big spots. Don't expect this to last.
9.) Oakland Athletics (9-6)- What can be said about this team? Another squad that nobody expected to be in the situation that they're in, but you can't argue with the record. The A's ran into the White Sox and lost 2 of 3, but before that, they swept the jays and took 2 of 3 from the Indians. It seems like Oakland is always a team that people underestimate because they don't have the flashy players that the rest of the American League trots out, but every year they win more games than you think they're going to because they play great small ball. They're scoring runs the Old fashioned way, with walks and steals and great fundamentals. They play excellent defense and have an a very good bullpen. Don't look for these guys at the top of the AL West during the All-star break, but for now they are giving their opponents a lot of problems with their pesky play.
10.) Philadelphia Phillies (7-7)- There are a couple of teams that could have taken this 10th and final spot, but I chose the Phils because I think they're better than their record shows. They haven't been swept yet and have been 4 losses by 1 run each. This team will win these close games more often than not because of the resurgence of (gasp!) Brad Lidge. He's been rock solid so far (knock on wood) and the Phillies hope it continues, because Tom Gordon belongs in a retirement home. Another thing holding Philadelphia back is that their offense has a gaping MVP size hole without Jimmy Rollins. The star shortstop has been slowed with a sore hammy this year and has barely played. Once he returns, this automatically becomes one of the top line-ups in baseball coupled with Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, and the suddenly hot-hitting Pat Burrell.
Monday, April 14, 2008
What do you get when you stick 4 Jayhawk biotches in Lawrence for the national championship game? Below are the random thoughts and outbursts of Dr. Burns and her sidekicks: Arthur, Roteste and Norris.
11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. – Dr. Burns and Arthur watch the ESPN commentators hate on Kansas all day. Some choice quotes: "I still believe North Carolina is the better team" and "Kansas played great basketball for 30 minutes against the Tarheels, but Memphis plays great basketball for 40 minutes every game." Burns and Arthur ponder: When did ESPN start perpetually sucking Bobby Knight's nuts? I am fine with his input every now and then, but I am seeing entirely too much of that dude.
5:45 p.m. – Norris rolls into Lawrence after driving straight from Dallas by herself. The rest of the crew is convinced that Norris was driving with a diaper astronaut style to make that good of time.
5:48 p.m. – Burns is pissed to see that Norris broke from the master plan and showed up in a Honda Accord rather than a Ford Windstar. Burns: "How are we supposed to sleep in a van down by the river when you didn't bring the van?"
6:20 p.m. -- Someone mentions that the Reverend Jesse Jackson has been hanging out in the Memphis locker room all week giving the team pep talks. Way to pick a noble cause, Reverend. Sorry, but I would rather get a pep talk from Danny Manning than from Jesse Jackson any day.
19:04 – Russ Rob block. Fat guy yells out, "They just got blocked by our shortest player!"
17:55 – Sweet dunk by Darrell Arthur AKA Shady. Recently voted player with the best rapping skills by the rest of the team. Although Swole says the nickname Slim Shady is an insult for a black dude to have, Burns still digs it.
16:39 – Enter Sasha Kahn AKA Mother Russia AKA Jaws from Bond. Burns orders a White Russian to pay her respects.
12:05 – That's 2 on Taggart. Norris starts talking mad shit to no one in particular.
11:33 – Alley-oop and Mother Russia throws it down. Burns imagines Mutombo voice: "Who wants to sex Kahn??!?!"
6:40 – Roy is spotted in the stands wearing a Jayhawk sticker. Burns pictures Hansbrough's bug eyes exploding out of his head upon seeing that.
5:08 – Another Kahn dunk. Whole bar starts chanting, "KAHN! KAHN! KAHN! KAHN!"
Halftime: Kansas 33, Memphis 28
- So Co Lime Shots for all. The blog turns mostly into illegible chickenscratch from here on out. Sorry.
14:00 -- Dorsey keeps getting in Cole Aldrich's face. Way to talk shit to a white guy from Minnesota, Dorsey.
12:25 – "Shouldn't they have Elvis as their mascot?"
9:00 – "That's right, Calipari. Clear off your bench."
2:00 – Memphis up 60-51. FUCK. Burns almost starts crying.
1:54 – Dorsey called for his fourth foul. Random guys screams, "That's right! Take that shit back to the streets!!"
0:03 – SUPER MARIO!!! SUPER MARIO!! SUPER MARIO!!
0:00 – Beer showers galore threaten to ruin the live blog. But quick as ever, Burns shields that shit.
8:10 a.m. – Dr. Burns wakes up to find that she passed out sitting straight up in the front seat of a Honda Accord with Norris sprawled out in the back. Seems like a raw deal until Burns realizes that the car is parked in a random hotel parking lot. Burns immediately moseys inside to hit up the continental breakfast.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I came across a Fox Sports Story about how the Topps Kids 1992 Baseball Card Set might have foreseen the steroid issue in baseball. That set featured MLB stars with cartoon like muscles (see above pictures). It's pretty funny how baseball used to be marketed in the 1990's. They wanted the game to seem larger than life and they thought the best way to show this to kids was by portraying their top athletes with gigantic caricatures of themselves. At the time, the game appeared to be relatively clean of performance enhancing drugs, but it's no wonder that in the late 90's, the biggest ballers in the game all became insanely huge in an effort to boost the popularity of the game by blasting more dingers. The ploy worked, but look at the cost today. Baseball's reputation has been sullied by the scores of cheaters that populated the game during the past decade. Who's fault is it really? The players had something to do with it, but would they have gone to such lengths to make themselves Andre the Giant-like if MLB wasn't pushing the image of "Bigger is Better". It's all thanks to Topps. Who knew the baseball cards we collected as kids would turn out to have Nostradamus powers?
In the spirit of this post, Here are the song lyrics to one of the greatest Simpsons episodes ever made about Monty Burns putting together the ultimate baseball team.
Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...
We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.
We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw
By now, most of you have seen the Kobe Bryant Commercial where he jumps over an Aston Martin and clears it. It's clear that Kobe wouldn't be able to do this. Some thought he had a stunt double, others suspected that it was CGI, but nobody knew what really happened...until now. Here's the behind the scenes look at Kobe's Nike Commercial.