Shut Up Papelbon

Classy guys like Justin Morneau rarely get the headlines. It's usually idiots spouting off bullshit that get their names on ESPN.com. Well that's the case once again with one of the most annoying players in the game right now. Jonathon Papelbon is known for taunting opposing teams and talking shit after he strikes anyone out.

Yesterday he said that he should close the All-star game tonight instead of Mariano Rivera, despite the fact that the game is in Yankee Stadium and Rivera has better stats than him this year and is light years ahead of him on the career scale.

"We've both earned that right; us, by winning the World Series and having the opportunity of having our manager there and our team being represented, and Mariano by what he's done for this role, we're in Yankee Stadium and blah, blah, blah," Papelbon said. "It's not that easy. Everybody thinks it's a cut and dry answer, but it's not. If I was managing the team, I would close, I'm not managing the team, so it don't matter."

He backed off his comments a little bit today saying that he thinks Rivera will get the nod, but who does this chump think he is. He's been in the league for less than 3 years and already thinks he's God's gift. This isn't the first time this year that he's talked shit.

He ran his mouth about the Rays a month ago saying that "it wasn't over between them" and that "they were going to get what was coming to them" after a brawl between the two teams in their previous series (the Rays went on to sweep the Red Sox). Paps has even hated on his own teammates saying pitcher Manny Delcarmen couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. The young pole smoker needs to know his place.

Sure he's a great closer right now, but how many just like him have come along. Remember when Eric Gagne won the Cy young a couple of years ago...where's he at now? Learn some respect you tool bag and shut your mouth.

Kevin Faulk's Sticky Situation

This just in...Professional Athletes love to get high. So do Rappers. What do you get when you mix the two? A place that's smokier than Gary, Indiana. New England Patriot's Captain and Running Back Kevin Faulk thought he would blend in with the crowd at a Lil Wayne Concert on Friday Night at the Cajundome in Lafayette, Louisiana. Unfortunately for him, Narcotics Officers get paid to find stoners like him and arrested the Footballer (to use the term loosely) with four hand-rolled cigars filled with Green...and I'm not talking about Spinach. Faulk is the second Patriots player to be arrested with Mary Jane since the Superbowl joining Reserve Defensive Back/Special Teams Specialist Willie Andrews who was caught with 3 bags of Weed...2 days after the Pats loss to the Giants. New England is becoming the New Cincinatti of the NFL. Faulk awaits his court date. If he's smart, he'll front that cash money to get this taken care of like Lil Weezy does when he gets caught on the regular with the Sticky Icky.

Shooter McGavin Says, "I Eat Pieces Of Shit Like You For Breakfast"

Breaking News: Tiger Woods is by far and away the best golfer on the planet right now. Does anyone want to argue with that? Oh, what's that you say Ian Poulter? You think you are as good as Tiger? Whaaaaaaaaaa? Yes, it's true. Young Poulter, the 22nd ranked golfer in the world was interviewed by Golf World Magazine before this weekend's Dubai Desert Classic and he basically said that he is the only man in the world that can compete with Woods. Here's what the 32 year old British jamoke said:

"The trouble is I don't rate anyone else...Don't get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven't played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger"

The Englishman, asked by the magazine to predict the winner of the first major of the season at the Masters in April, replied: "Put Tiger down for that one." For the year's second major at the U.S. Open, he said: "You can put me down for that one."

Alllllright, buddy. How have you not reached your potential yet? You're 32 years old! Did you know that you are the same age as Tiger? Maybe he hasn't reached his potential yet either?

In this magazine, Poulter is pictured almost completely nude except for a golf bag covering his....uhhhh golf balls. I didn't post it for fear that some of my colleagues would enjoy it too much.
The point is, has Ian Poulter ever done this???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP3Mz1wh9c&feature=related

That's from the Masters, which Tiger has won 4 times. How many green jackets have you won Mr. P?? Oh yeah, zero. Talk to me when you win a major, son.

FINALLY!!!!

After several long, excruciating months of speculation, rumors, and overall bullshit, the landing place for Johan Santana has been decided.

The Big Apple will welcome it's newest shining star, but it's not the Yankees. The New York Mets have swept in and landed not only the best pitcher on the market, but arguably the best pitcher in all of baseball. The deal (pending a contract extension worth likely an exorbitant amount and a physical) will send Santana to the Mets for 4 prospects: outfielder Carlos Gomez and pitchers Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey.

All I can say is THANK GOD! I was growing more tired of this shit than I was of A Rod-gate and the Clemens Report.

(A side note: I am glad I am not from Minnesota. Every sports fan in that state must either be contemplating suicide or planning to destroy the East coast. Sorry Minny fans.)

Young Knuckleballer Analysis
This is the biggest baseball trade since the Pedro Martinez trade from the Montreal Expos to the Boston Red Sox. These are the kind of lop-sided deals that can set a franchise like the Twins back 3 years. They are already stocked with young talent like Joe Mauer and Francisco Liriano, they needed the Leadership that Santana provided much more than extra young talent. Basically, the Twinkies didn't want to pay Santana's sky-high market value. I understand that they don't have a very big payroll because they are a small market team with a cheap owner. On the one hand, I feel bad for teams like the A's, Rays, Marlins, Royals, and Twins...Major League Baseball needs to figure out a way to deal with this situation...but on the other hand, I'm a Tiger's Fan so I can't complain too much, considering he's out of the AL Central and he's not on another AL Contender like the Red Sox or Yankees.

The Twins weren't going to compete for the Division or a playoff spot anyway, so let's look at the other half of the pie. The Mets gave up some solid young talent for the Best Pitcher in Baseball right now. People can make arguments for Brandon Webb, Jake Peavy, or Dan Haren, but let's be serious here. If you were to bet your life on one pitcher to win you a game (forgetting about the team around him) you'd bet on Santana. Even though he had a "down year" last season (still above average by most players standards), he is still the most freakishly talented Pitcher in the sport by far, and at age 28 he's Prime Rib.

The Mets have had the offensive fire power to rival any team in baseball the past 2 years, but with sub-par pitching they haven't been able to put it all together. They still have pitching issues, but when you have the best pitcher in the league at the front of your rotation, the Mets have to be the favorites in the National League. Last year they fell apart down the stretch thanks to numerous Pitching Meltdowns. Well, there's no way that would happen again this year. When you have Santana trotting out to the mound every 5 games, you have to like your chances.

You gotta be happy for Johan here. He finally goes to a winner. The Twins were solid for a few years, even making the playoffs and threatening the top teams in the American League for a stretch, but they were always underdogs in the big games. Now he goes to a place where he has a legit chance to get a World Series Ring. It also doesn't hurt that he's in a Super High Profile market where he can make a boatload of cash. This wasn't the case in Minny. Overall, this is an outstanding day for the Mets and Santana, and a very sad day for Twins Fans.

Girls wear some stupid shit

While pursuing a graduate degree at the esteemed University of Georgia, Young Swole is happily able to observe the greatness that is the ladies that attend this school. As my friends can attest, Young Sweezy quite often brags sabout the aesthetic appeal of the co-eds that attend our little school here in Athens, Georgia. Thanks to their collective efforts, our ladies have made UGA a stronghold of SEC Poon.

However, while most ladies uphold their civic duty to look amazing for us male students here at school, there are still the dumb broads that look highly ridiculous. Case in point, it is 65 degrees here today which is a perfect opportunity for all of Georgia's ladies to show off the beauty that God gave them. Most fulfill this opportunity and make any walk around campus highly enjoyable. But unfortunately, Young Swole saw one hoe who almost ruined the day. She was wearing a t-shirt and some exercise shorts, which is fine, but for some unknown reason she decided to wear those Uggs boots with them. Young Swole says fuck that. Its 65 degrees so you don't need boots bitch. We are also in a horrible drought, so there's no water on the sidewalks to avoid, so boots become pointless. And finally, by wearing those stupid ass boots, you not only make yourself look stupid, but you remind Young Swole of all the northern girls who thought this looked good as well and inspired him to move south.

So for all the ladies out there who read this blog, please leave the Uggs boots at home the next time you go out in public. Not only do you have serious competition in the looks department at a school like UGA, but you also have standards to uphold being a southern woman at a school that specializes in dank SEC Poon. Get it fixed hoes.