Baseball Advertising Blows

Baseball is my favorite sport, but as far as marketing goes, they are a distant third behind the NFL and the NBA. Why can't baseball have good commercials too? Maybe it's Fox (my employer), or maybe it's the MLB, but it's clear they need to hire a better ad agency (or maybe steal some away from the NBA/NFL).

The past few years, shit's been weak for the MLB. Dane Cook last year??!
C'mon. Can't you guys do better than the most overrated/annoying comedian on the planet. This year, they've got some no-name blogger as their spokesman for the playoffs. This is a terrible marketing ploy. I'm a blogger, and I love writing, but let's be for real. That's not going to make me or anyone else more interested in watching the playoffs. It's all about the big names (and I'm not talking about obnoxious Dane Cook).

The NBA has won it's way back into America's hearts with great ad campaigns. Last year they had prime timers hyping up the playoffs including Jeremy Piven (Entourage's Ari Gold), Will Smith and other "now" actors. This year they had the slogan "There's Only One" and "Where _____ Happens". Both were very successful. The Super Bowl is known as having unquestionably the best commercials of any sporting event. Football has been strong for years and is so far ahead of every other american sport that it can just stay consistent and keep it's crown.

So MLB, if you want to avoid becoming a joke, get some new Ad Guru's. PS: If I see another ad for FrankTV I'm going to kill someone (most likely Joe Buck).

Dangerous MLB 2008 Predictions

Opening day, along with the Masters, are the two ultimate signs that Spring has arrived. And with one of the most exciting baseball season's on tap, its time for Young Swole to make his legendary picks once again.


TEAM PREDICTIONS

AL East Winner - Boston Red Sox
AL Central Winner - Cleveland Indians
AL West Winner - LA Angels
AL Wild Card - Detroit Tigers
AL Pennant - Detroit Tigers

NL East Winner - Atlanta Braves
NL Central Winner - Chicago Cubs
NL West Winner - Arizona D'Backs
NL Wild Card - Milwaukee Brewers
NL Pennant - Atlanta Braves

World Series: Tigers over Braves in 6

Player Predictions
AL MVP - Grady Sizemore
AL Cy Young - Justin Verlander
AL Rookie of the Year - Evan Longoria

NL MVP - Mark Teixeira
NL Cy Young - Jake Peavy
NL Rookie of the Year - Jay Bruce

Bumtastic Awards
AL Shittiest Team - Baltimore Orioles
AL Shittiest Player - Erasmus Rasmer, NY Yankees
AL Biggest Waste of talent - JD Drew, Boston Red Sox

NL Shittiest Team - San Francisco Giants
NL Shittiest Player - Al Reyes, St. Louis
NL Biggest Waste of talent - Andruw Jones, LA Dodgers

Announcer Predictions
Best Game Announcer - Jon Miller, ESPN
Best Color Commentator - Rick Sutcliffe, ESPN
Best Studio Host - Karl Ravech, ESPN
Worst Game Announcer - Joe Buck, Fox
Worst Color Commentator - Steve "Bum" Phillips
Worst Studio Host - Jeannie Zelasko
Most Missed Man in Broadcasting - Harold Reynolds
Best Sideline Reporter - Always and Forever Erin Andrews and her precocious nits

Fan Predictions
Best Fans - Philadelphia Phillies
Worst Fans - Boston Red Sox
Most apathetic fans - Atlanta Braves
Loudest fans - Philadelphia Phillies
Quietest fans - Pittsburgh Pirates (there are none)
Most likely group of fans to get arrested at the ballpark - NY Yankees
Most likely group of fans to like the D: Boston Red Sox

Yawn... its Super Bowl time

Well here we are, finally a few hours away from the big game. Young Swole remembers the days when he'd be all amped up for this game, even if he didn't care about the teams. But this year, things are so uninteresting that he's bringing along climate homework, which actually means he cares about school-related matters on Super Bowl Sunday. Why is this game so wack and boring? Lets count a few ways:

1. Everyone hates the Pats. Not only do they always win, but they cheat to win and are referred to as deities all the while.

2. The team facing the Pats, who would usually inspire a great support for the underdog, are the New York Giants. Everyone hates New York fans. Between the Pats and Giants, choosing one to root for is like selecting between a Turd Sandwich or a Puke Reuben for your last meal.

3. These teams have already played each other. Maybe if we hadn't seen the Pats beat the Giants already we'd have more hope in Big Blue.

4. Even if the Giants do win the game, there will still be much more attention payed to how the Pats blew it. The excuses will be more numerous that the falling raindrops in a hurricane. So even if the Evil Pats win, you'll still have to hear all about them at the expense of the Giants

5. Do you realize that in the last football game to be played in 6 months, that we'll have to listen to Joe Buck give us opinion on the Pats greatness and spygate once again? Swole guarantees that this fucker will get on his soapbox long and hard about all the controversy swirling around the Pats, while at the same time forgetting to tell us important things actually happening in the game like player injuries or yards gained on a certain play.


So what do you do to make a terrible super bowl a little more enjoyable? We here at GDB have identified 5 possible events that could make this game much more exciting:

1. Randy Moss scores a touchdown and proceeds to moon Joe Buck, who will hopefully have a heart attack out of pure shock and disgust. In fact, as we remember, for 10's G's Randy Moss might even pull his dick out. This gets a no homo for sure, but if he whipped it out in Joe Buck's face then it would be totally acceptable.

2. Tom Brady gets hurt.

3. If the Pats lose, time how long it takes blowhards like Chris Berman or Shaun Salisbury to jump off the "Pats are the greatest team of all time" bandwagon.

4. Tom Petty lights up a giant spliff during his halftime performance, tells George Bush to go to fuck himself, and then rocks out "Last Dance with Mary Jane"

5. Hope against hope that somehow Fox split-screens the game with hard core nudity!


Well its about time for the Swole One to bounce out. Lets try to survive this game as best we can.