Binghamton, NY - It was revealed today that Presidential candidate John Edwards, a former U.S. Senator from North Carolina, is the father of T.V. Star and NBC Page, Kenneth Parcell. Parcell is best known for his work in the NBC documentary 30 Rock. It appears to have been revealed by agents of NBC V.P. of Microwave and East Coast Programming Jack Donaghy, who is also a major contributor to the Republican party. His plan to ruin Edwards' campaign, which was already on life-support, seems to have been successful. His spokeswoman released a statement that Edwards was withdrawing from the campaign effective immediately, with a public announcement forthcoming.
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