Monday, January 7, 2008

American Idiots

After watching The first installment of the new American Gladiators Show, I couldn't help but remember the scene near the end of Billy Madison where the Host of the Game Show between Billy and the evil Eric addressed Adam Sandler after he told the story about the lost puppy. The host said, "We are all stupider after hearing this, I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul." Well after watching American Gladiators, I sure feel a whole lot stupider. Where do I begin, well how about at the beginning where the first person we are introduced to is a single mother of three who sells Toilet Paper door to door. Where do they find these people?? Sure Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali have name value, but they both suck as the spokespeople for the show. Hogan's biceps take up the entire screen when he talks and that hair looks like he stole it off of a doll. It's a good thing he has this going, because we know his other show on VH1 (Hogan Knows Best) is over now that he's getting a divorce. Kind of ironic considering he won the "Father of the Year" award on one episode. Hogan and Ali both do a terrible job of reading off of the teleprompter, maybe I could give them some pointers. What makes them look worse is the things that they have to read are absolutely ridiculous. The writers on this show have put in some of the most trite sentences I have ever heard. They need to let their hosts be free to ad lib. That's why 1 vs. 100 is solid, because Bob Saget is a character. (Best line ever from Half Baked..."Weed? You call that an addiction? I used to suck dick for coke") I guess the writers have to do this though, because Ali and Hogan are stiffer than Al Gore. Let's move on to the Gladiators. Wow, what a bunch of chumps. These are reject athletes that have hit the roids a little too hard. Still they have plenty of comic value ("let's go boiiii"...can you say flava flaaaav). The girl gladiators are pretty uninteresting so let's focus on the hilarious men. Titan is a gigantic Ken Doll who has the biggest man boobs I've ever seen. Apparently he's the pride and joy of the show because he's the centerpiece of all of their ads...he's also obsessed with himself. Wolf man is my favorite. All he does is howl. I think you need a crazy presence on a show like this to keep it fun. Basically all of these people are just big good looking freaks with small IQ's (probably from pro-longed steroid usage). The events are actually pretty good. Assault (the event where a Gladiator shoots Tennis Balls at the contender while they try to fire back behind shields) is a personal favorite of mine and it always seems the contenders are completely lost. It's always fun seeing Contenders just get completely obliterated by the Gladiators, especially when they talk mad shit right before. This is a pretty well put together show. I gotta give props to the editors who make it seem a lot more intense than it probably is. Good crowd participation makes you feel like you are there. I'm not sure if this show is going to last more than a year or too. Seems like it might get old fast unless they add some twists. Overall, this new version of American Gladiators is pretty similar to the old one, so if you like the original, you will probably enjoy this one as well.

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